Truth is
I have to walk away
Can't live in this
False reality

Looking in the mirror
Seeing you looking back at me
Baby, the things you do for me
When I pull and I push
You don't walk away
You're so calm. You stay.

Truth is
The way things are with us
I'd fall into
False reality

Truth is
Why fate made us one is
Leading us to
False reality

Looking in the mirror
Seeing you looking back at me
Baby, the things you do for me
When I pull and I push
You don't walk away
You smile. You stay

Truth is
I'm not free to give you
All that you need
False reality

Truth is
I'd love to try to be
Your light to ease
False reality

Looking in the mirror
Seeing you looking back at me
Baby, the things you do for me
When I pull and I push
You don't walk away
You're warm, you stay

Truth is
I could fall so easily
Have to hold you
False reality

Truth is
Damage already done
Have to let go
Face reality

Looking in the mirror
Seeing you looking back at me
Baby, the things you do for me
When I pull and I push
You don't walk away
You're strong, you stay
I could fall so easily
Truth is that's reality

If you keep walking backward, Baby
You won't get very far
It's time you let the past lie
So you've made mistakes
We've all made mistakes
And we know you've been burned
But time to dream of a star
It's time. Baby, it's your turn
It's your turn.

The world's been kind of down
And we're all tumbling around
And good Ol' Uncle Sam
Will help the banks out of their jam
Wall Streets the game
Priviledged life is not the same
But the down and the out
They are too weak too shout

Don't give up now baby
There are bigger fish to fry and
You're going to make it somehow
You just have to try
They don't see you crying
Or how you've been trying
Just keep on dreaming
It's time. Baby, it's your turn.
It's your turn.

The world's been kind of down
And we're all tumbling around
And good Ol' Uncle Sam
Will help the banks out of their jam
Wall Streets the game
Priviledged life is not the same
But the down and the out
They are too weak too shout

Climbing up that downward slope
No silver spoons to help you
Fate left you at the bottom hill
They look past, leaves a chill
You just want to get by
One tiny morsel
Of that big piece of pie
It's time. Baby, it's your turn
It's your turn


March 2009

So much to do today, but so far I've lounged on the loveseat; reading; thinking; with my coffee + a soft warm throw. Must be the snow!

I've decided I will remind myself to step back and try to view things as if I am a small speck of light in the sky.

I've realized sometimes I don't always look at the big picture. I get hung up on the little details.

My sister: I don't talk in complete sentences anymore. I don't have time for that.

Morning world! Just think, in a few weeks we'll wake up to sunshine and warmth. Until then? Hmmm. Let's see. . .continue to snuggle!

These days have been the lowest
and gray
Crawling and falling
Hoping to find the way
To find the light

He appeared in the gray
never
Falters. He's steady.
Like this planet's sweet earth.
He blankets me.

Came into my life
Such time I'm unsteady
Still he'll stand
He bears my strife
He makes me ready
This time we're sharing
Love to see him smile
A funny kind of pairing
Says I make him happy
But he does that for me

He stands so clear and cool
surely
Removes these doubts from
Doubts that seem to haunt me
My eyes then see

In time, even I'll be
just time
Longing and needing
He never turns it down
The light he shines

Came into my life
Such time I'm unsteady
Still he'll stand
He bears my strife
He makes me ready
This time we're sharing
Love to see him smile
A funny kind of pairing
Says I make him happy
But he does that for me

I hope he stays for
awhile
learning and laughing
Just a place I need to be
Hold him close to me.


March 2009

I am fairly certain I should not be allowed out into the general public.

I am. . . what I would consider. . . a pain in the ass.

It's fun to discover just how many pencils I can fit behind one ear!

Tell me
When she came along
Was I near or already gone
And tell me
When you kiss me like that
Do you think of the time at my flat

Because baby, this love
broken
Baby, it's broken,
Broken Love
Pick up the pieces
of this
Broken Love

Show me
That it's all all right
You can let it go and be true
Cause baby
When you kiss me like that
I think of that time in my flat

Because baby, this love
broken
Baby, it's broken,
Broken Love
Pick up the pieces
of this
Broken Love

Tell me
How we can let it go
Cause nobody touches me like you
Oh, baby
Just come kiss me like that
Just like that time, time in my flat

Because baby, this love
broken
Baby, it's broken,
Broken Love
Pick up the pieces
of this
Broken Love

March 2009

This is an exercise I read about to list all of the things about yourself.

Singer; loves to dance but not good at it; gets hurt more than angry, although it looks like anger; five feet seven and a half inches; brown hair; blue eyes; dreamer; runner; loves to camp; likes to travel; loves cruises; not good with expressing anger; comes from a big family; has always wanted to be a singer; zoologist, lawyer, director; detective; actress; movie star; loves a good ballad; loves spirituals; believes that age is an attitude, not a number; maintains long and short term goals; sister of four brothers plus one and two sisters; believes the more the merrier; likes to play board games, and card games; has never understood people with too many secrets; would take a friend who is blatently honest over one who cannot be open; believes that the true loves in your life will unexplanably curl your toes and melt your butter; loves to snuggle; has little patience when it comes to getting a job done, just do it already; wishes she has better skin and a pretty face; beleives in God but knows she has been a disappointment in that regard; would like to be a better sister, daughter, mother, person. Biggest dream: have one of my songs published and recorded by myself or someone else. I've never walked away from a person based on something they told me about what they may consider to be their biggest failing or secret, but I will walk away from people who aren't sure enough of our relationship to be open with me. I have some skeletons in my closet. I don't regret any of them, as they have helped me grow as a person, and isn't that what it's all about. I have been blessed with my family; the sky; this earth and my time here.

Thinking of you still
Perhaps it's a matter of will
But always in this heart
An integral part

Chastise myself some
For the unexpected ache
I feel when I remind
Me you don't come around

So funny
Days I'm sure
You never think of me
But you are with me
Always
Thinking of you

As if a school girl
Took place of the woman in me
Holding hope like a newly
Emerged butterfly free

Because there's a place
Only the two of us know
It's somewhere we both have
A place we'd both go

So funny
Days I'm sure
You never think of me
But you are with me
Always
Thinking of you

Those days when you're far
Leaving me to wonder when
I might see you again
Please send me a sign

Maybe one day soon
I'll find you there again
Maybe I shouldn't have to dream
It's so natural


So funny
Days I'm sure
You never think of me
But you are with me
Always
Thinking of you

March 2009

I'd never ask you to wait
You know I never could
You and I on different paths
In this dark and lonely woods.

But once in awhile
I think I see
A sweet glimpse of you
Right past those trees
And once in awhile
My hope's aflame
Burning down these trees
Removing all blame
That once in awhile
I forget all our trials
And dream you'll be with me
Every once in awhile

You have others who call you
Like sunlight breaks through the trees
Time doesn't treat us kindly
And darkness falls on me

But once in awhile
I think I see
A sweet glimpse of you
Right past those trees
And once in awhile
My hope's aflame
Burning down these trees
Removing all blame
That once in awhile
I forget all our trials
And dream you'll be with me
Every once in awhile

I climb my mountains of change
But still, you're so far away
I'd give you all that I have, love
But you aren't ready to stay

But once in awhile
I think I see
A sweet glimpse of you
Right past those trees
And once in awhile
My hope's aflame
Burning down these trees
Removing all blame
That once in awhile
I forget all our trials
And dream you'll be with me
Every once in awhile

I'd never ask you to wait
You know I never could
You and I on different paths
In this dark and lonely woods

MARCH 2009

"Friendship with oneself is important, because without it, one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world." Eleanor Roosevelt

And some apparently wag thier tails as they bark excitedly.

Wounded animals : Some will attack if help is offered. Some hide their wounds as they curl up like a ball in the corner.

5 out of 14. Not bad. Still, top 3 would be more rewarding.

Do folks claim the hubcaps displayed curb side? Or is it like musical chairs; you lose 1, you take 1 until 1 player's left empty handed?

I’ve waited this life to find you
Grown strong as I walked all alone.
And I think it’s okay to mention
I’m growing tired of this constant storm

There’s a free spirit hidden here
Kept me light when the darkness threatened
She is pleading to find some release
Chasing calm in the constant calamity

Miscalculated intentions left me still
Genuine reflections of this heart’s will
Mending protocols with imperfect solutions
Coincidental catalysts to this revolution

I just want a warm hand to hold
As I’m weak now, and need someone strong
Cause I know I have already mentioned
My strength will return in its time

Weakness barely allowed while waiting
And Love, hope time hasn’t all been in vein
Cause my spirit is waiting and whispers
As we look for the hope in your eyes

Miscalculated intentions left me still
Genuine reflections of this heart’s will
Mending protocols with imperfect solutions
Coincidental catalysts to this revolution

March 2009

Mom calls. "Dad's on the floor and we aren't strong enough to get him up." I get there. He looks up at me, smiles + says "Good to see you!"

Hmmm, after some review, I believe I could have chosen better wording. No matter. Happy St. Patty's!

I'm a good'Irish' girl; had my corned beef/cabbage; tasty, but swallowed something swiggly + hard. I hope it wasn't a leprechaun! :-P

THE STONE
DAVE MATTHEWS BAND

I've this creeping
Suspicion that things here are not as they seem
Reassure me
Oh, why do I feel as if I'm in too deep
Now, I've been praying
For some way to show them
I'm not what they see
Yes I have done wrong
But what I did I thought needed be done
I swear
Oh, unholy day
If I leave now
I might get away
Oh, but this weighs on me
As heavy as stone and as blue as I go
I was just wondering if you'd come along
Hold up my head when my head won't hold on
I'll do the same if the same's what you want
And if not I'll go
I will go a, a long way
I'm a long way
From that fool's mistake and now forever pay
No, run
I will run and I'll be ok
I was just wondering if you'd come along
Hold up my head when my head won't hold on
I'll do the same if the same's what you want
But if not I'll go
I will go a – a long way
To bury the past for I don’t want to pay
Oh, how I wish this to turn back the clock
And do over again
Now, I’m just wondering if you’d come along
Hold up my head when my head won't hold on
I'll do the same if the same's what you want
But if not, I’ll goI’ll go alone
I need so
To stay in your arms see you smile hold you close
And now it weighs on me
As heavy as stone and a bone chilling cold
I was just wondering if you'd come along
Tell me you will

Had one of my best singing auditions I've had since high school. Cast or not, I am proud of me. In or out, more shows coming up. Yay!

I just saw my first robin for the year. Spring really is here! Yay!

It's always good to find out who your true friends are. But it always hurts to find out who you thought were true friends really aren't.

It's pretty crappy when it's 4 in the am + you wonder what kind of party your friends are at + you scold yourself for feeling left out.

Best part: getting comfortable in my own skin. I find I might even like myself. Odd I've never considered that before; guess I was too busy.

I think I need to clarify what I meant by this comment, which I sent BY TEXT! last night. (So glad it's working again.)

I wasn't saying I didn't like myself. I was saying that I was so busy doing, working, sleeping, raising family, paying bills, worrying about paying bills, that I never really considered me, in the midst of all that. I never really considered who I was or what I wanted. It was secondary to the task at hand which was, basically, surviving and keeping the family in food, clothes and shelter.

It wasn't that I didn't like me. It was just that there wasn't really time to think about it. That's all I meant.

Hey! It's working. Hooray. Highlight of my day. A very cute guy said I smelled amazing. I guess I am a girl!

I keep a list of songs I've sung. I'm at 200+. I like trying new ones, but requests make me nervous as I can't practice first...here goes. . .

DECEMBER Ran 20 out of 31 days an average of 3.30 miles each.
JANUARY Ran 25 out of 31 days an average of 3.22 miles each.
FEBRUARY Ran 23 out of 28 days, an average of 3.61 miles each day.

Hey, it seems I haven't been here in awhile, but this is not the case. I often submit my entries via my cell phone, but unfortunately, for some reason, my comments from the last few days are not coming through.

I'm not sure why this is. It's been working fine. I haven't changed phones or blogs or anything. I've checked and it seems to all be set up just fine. So I guess we'll just have to hope it gets it together soon!

It's been an extremely long week and it's only Wednesday. But spring must be around the corner right. And considering the latest events, I am investigating alternative housing. So that sucks, since I had turned a corner and was really starting to enjoy myself. But I didn't take this step backward, it was taken for me, against my wishes. But either way, things move forward and continue to.

Hopefully, my SMS entries will appear soon. I'm sure they were wonderfully entertaining and philosophical....now, if I could only remember what they were.....

Scattered, can't seem to focus
You'd find me lost in this haze
So far away from this
Locked inside, dark, solitude
Tell me there's light outside
This journey, this struggle
Tunnelled my view on the prize
Today, so compromised
Need help, out reaching hands
One slipped fate, falling back

Loving you is like chocolate covered caramels
savoring the flavor
until the caramel lies naked
in my mouth

Knowing that is so,
my mind won't let you go
It's all been said before
but me to you, means more

Shooting stars
in your eyes
kisses like pillows
where my head lies

Arms so strong, that
enfold your hands
so sure,
your touch so bold

Loving you is like a warm blanket
on cold nights
Soft as clouds draped gently
against my skin

Here today, then gone for awhile
But right now,
today,
you bring your smile

At night, steady in your stealth
you give me
love like a shamrock's
wealth

Loving you is like a cool splash of water
on a hot summer day
refreshing droplets
landing sweetly on my tongue

How can I forget you,
sweet man
Come back to me
when you can

Need someone to hold me tight
Need to feel your warm light.

May 2007

Laying in bed,
allowing my mind to drift
Think of you still
Gives this old heart a lift

Laughing with you
In darkness as you touch this silly soul
Looking at you
The sweetness, leaving would take its toll

Doesn't seem right
But sometimes a wrong can be right
Thinking of you
While waiting for morning light

CHORUS
Let them judge
Let them believe
What they believe
What they can judge
And when it's time
For it to settle
I will be better
For you were here
Here with me

Laying alone
I'm reaching, wishing ease this strife
Dreaming of you
Should I walk away from your life

Thinking about
The times when I had you close
Yearning again
Knowing it hurts the most

Baby it's time
I let go of this line and freed us
Maybe I should
Something in me still needs us

Couldn't you just come out and play.

CHORUS

March 2009

I took a little time tonight to go back over the past few months, blog-wise. I was making tremendous progress. I was coming into my own. In a way, it is a place I am just beginning to recognize.

But I was stopped last week, by circumstances beyond my control. Frustrating. I am not a yo-yo. I have feelings and needs. But who doesn't, right? Why should mine should count anymore than anyone else's?

So as much as I fought the current circumstance, I am back to where I was three or four months ago. Except I am more resolved, that I must pursue and I must persist.

Legally, right now, I have no recourse. Time changes things.

Word of the day: superfluous. Beside being fun to say, it acts as a terrific lip exercise! Now, what could be more superfluous than that?

Four people; all travelling in the same car; each one talking on a cellphone. Any chance they'd be talking to each other? :-P

Hilly and I are going to team up and enter the single city version of the amazing race. It is bound to be fun. We will kick ass! Jazzed!