A wonderful night of dance! Brings back joyous memories of when my girls were first learning. I am so blessed...but where did the time go?

I haven't been to karaoke in awhile. I think it's time for a song or two. Maybe it will help pull me out this funk.

A man walked up while reading his lottery tickets. He opened my car door and was surprised when I pulled it shut. Oops, wrong car!

Spent the night in the big city with the little chickees for Phil's birthday. It was nice.

Bikram yoga this morning. That class kicks my butt! Love it.

Today

It was a month ago this evening when things changed. I cannot believe it has been a month. In many ways time has stood still. Each day I wake up and each day I go through my routine, work, work out, clean, eat, watch some television. Within that month, The first show I was lucky enough to direct opened, closed and was successful from my point of view. 9 shows, 6 sold out, 3 more than half, and at least two and half standing ovations and it was a wonderful experience. But in my heart I find a hole; when I think about it all too hard, I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. It is a feeling that makes me feel completely vulnerable, empty. No one lives forever, but how the hell does that help? It doesn't. I understand now why people go to cemeteries. I never understood that before. I think now perhaps they go to get close to the person, to know they are there, or rather were there. I think they go because it is the only place they can go to try and connect or to see the person. There are times I would like to go see him, go talk to him, go tell him how it hurts and how much I miss him. But there is no where for me to go and satisfy those needs. That's okay. I work through it. Anyway, I just needed to talk about. I think about him everyday. I don't quite grasp how someone can be there one day and gone the next, even though I rationally know that is life. I ask myself questions about if I had done things differently would it have made a difference to where we are today. I ask myself if I did all that I could. I ask myself why I did not get back to him sooner as I said. I ask myself how odd it is to think that I will not seem him again while I am on this earth. I ask myself if that thought will get easier to live with or harder to live with. Anyway, I remind myself to celebrate his life and not mourn his loss, but today I just needed to acknowledge the time that has passed because inside of me it feels like time has stood still.

Go Bulls!!!

I admit I am a little lost right now. But soon, I will find my footing and when I do, I will be renewed, unlike anyone I have been before.

If anyone asks, it was all because I loved you. What else is there? Eating, breathing, hoping, needing? Ok. There is that...those.

Cards tonight. So fun. Great folks.

I took my first Bikram yoga class today. I loved it so much, I may go back tomorrow!

My daffodis opened this morning, which makes up for the chill in the air.

It is interesting that often the best times in one's life are often accompanied by some of the most tragic times. Balance, I guess.

9 shows in total: 6 sold out and so far 2.5 standing ovations. Holding my breath for tomorrow and Sunday.

Been working out but my hearts not in it. But each day gets easier and I know he'd tell me to keep smilin' and to keep tryin'. So I do. :o)

Lately, once asleep, I sleep hard, waking only at thoughts that serve as alarm clocks. Still, getting to sleep seems to be the tricky part.

What time is it? .......it's April.

My little doggie friend is visiting. It's funny how dogs can sense a person's need for a little extra attention.