Explaining that I seem to have a natural men repellant. My new friend laughed. I realized, if I could bottle it, some women might buy it.

A year ago, how hard it all seemed, yet I also knew it was right. Now, I feel I have been pushed backwards. I feel defeated and useless.


Follow up:
I sent this post last night by mobil. When doing so, I'm only afforded a few short lines and it will cut me off. I've learned via Twitter and my blog to try to be concise as possible.

However, perhaps in this cae, concise is not the best. I feel the need to expound. In this respect of my life I do feel defeated and useless. It had taken years and years and mulling over what was right and what was wrong. It took me years to accept that in order to move on in my life in a healthy way, would require me breaking promises to family members. Some I have not seen in awhile. Some I miss terribly. Some, I'm sure, who will never forgive me. Some who are a part of me as surely as each of my individual cells.

But I did what I had to do last year. I had done it. It was the hardest of things. But I also knew it was a mountain that had to be conquered. But now, I find myself back behind a similar mountain. I know I will conquer this one again, somehow, some way. But last night, I just felt I had gotten nowhere.

But don't misunderstand. I have great faith in the global me, in the world around me, in God above, in love, in family, in devotion and in honesty to one's self. I believe I am on this path because it is where I must be. I believe there are greater things waiting for me. I just have to find the right way to get there. And I am, surely, doing that every day even on those nights when I don't feel it in my heart or in my soul. I am getting there when I am most lonely or tired. I am getting there. I will get there. And then that's where I shall be. Just as I am here now.

I can't seem to sleep tonight or focus for that matter. I wonder if the guy who just brought the newspaper started this way.

I realize the Bears suck today, but it would be nice, if just once, we had impartial announcers who didn't obviously favor the other team.

There are the loud divas, who only talk of themselves; and the sexist Sams, best ignored. Despite these bad apples, I love theatre people.

Please note: apathetic is easily mistaken for easy going. It's important to recognize the difference.

I think today must be one of Winnie the Pooh's blustery days. Glad I'm inside, at least for a little while.

Reflections of a short time ago
Maybe it’s the grounded leaves
Or the chilled breezes
Just a year ago or so

You said I made you happy baby.
Something I could never do before
Oh, how I wished
You had meant it, or it meant more

If you found me now, and you gave your hand
I’d take it.
I’d have to.
If you held me now, just a little while
I’d hold you.
I’d have to.

All the wrongs you said you’d right
I fell as a fool surely would
Where are you now
When it’s cold and dark at night

Fell for all of your magic voices
Slight of hand, disappearing acts
Was just a court jester
Falling for reckless heart tricks

If you found me now, and you gave your hand
I’d take it.
I’d have to.
If you held me now, just a little while
I’d hold you.
I’d have to.

I know better than to get to close
Burning fires, burnt leaves
Goint down dead end streets, damn
Dame this need in me, this ease in me

Maybe I gave you reasons
Lord knows you have enough
And each day I miss you
Maybe a little less than most

If you found me now, and you gave your hand
I’d take it.
I’d have to.
If you held me now, just a little while
I’d hold you.
I’d have to.

Just couldn’t sleep and my mind ends
Where your memory begins
Can hear you laughing
Heard you say you were happy

I guess I’ll keep thinking about you
Hope I find something else to do
No need for tricks, learn to live without you
Just wanted someone to smile, too

If only you missed me
The way I’m missing you
Then maybe I’d still believe
In a little hope

Hope for us
Baby
Sweet sunshine of mine
Hope, hope for us
Miss you so

And you needed me,
Like I needed you too
Cause she left you lonely cold
You found me, and I you

Hope for us
Baby
Sweet sunshine of mine
Hope, hope for us
Miss you so

Here we are later
She changed her mind now she’s
Ready for you, you leave
Me lonely in the cold

Hope for us
Baby
Sweet sunshine of mine
Hope, hope for us
Miss you so

I still need you so
What am I to do minus you
If only you missed me
The way I miss you

Looked up nimrod. Ha, ha, ha.

I've noticed I frequently call other drivers a "nimrod" but realized this morning I really have no idea what it means.

Why is it so when meeting someone you'd like to get to know better, that is the precise moment nothing comes to mind to say.

Frustrates me to hear the one chosen to spend time with doesn't appreciate the gift it is. It's about choices not mine to make.

When I walk away from you
In just a moment, maybe two
Feelings start to surface
Of lost words I cannot share
Because we promised not to dare

The weakness in my heart
It makes me wonder
Would it be best
To never see that face
With eyes that smile
All to ease the time

When I walk away from you
In just a moment, maybe two
Feelings start to surface
Of lost words I cannot share
Because we promised not to dare

The loneliness I’ll face
As night time comes to bear
I can swallow it down
When I haven’t heard
That sweet soothing voice
Or your deep laugh but

When I walk away from you
Takes a moment, maybe two
Feelings start to surface
Words I cannot share
Because we promised not to dare

Never knowing how long
It might be to see you again
Or be temporarily saved by
The warmth of your embrace
These tears just represent
The hollow moment

When I walk away from you
When I walk away from you

Just found out that the only one who survives in Moby Dick is Ishmael. Guess I don't have to read that one! :-P

Just because you should be able to talk when you work out doesn't mean you have to do so - incessantly. Too early, I guess.

I am currently in 3rd place. So root for San Diego!

Do men actually go outside to settle a dispute over a woman with fists flying as we see in the movies? I think not.

After all these years, I believe I may have found one whom could definitely give Mr. C a run for his money. What a wonderful surprise.

I just won 35 dollars at the karaoke cash box. Yeah, baby!