Nothing better than the smell of a man in a leather jacket in the cold winter air.

Another stellar showing on poker night.

Due to illness and holidays, I haven't been to the gym in a week. Time to get back to it and work off those Rolos!

"We all come from our own little planets. We're all different. That's what makes life interesting." Dudley (Cary Grant) The Bishop's Wife. #favxmasfilm

Christmas Eve. Mom and Dad's 57th anniversary. What a sweet day to get married. I'll keep her busy today, Pops. Don't you worry.

I have about a week's worth of work to finish in 16 hours but the reward will be a week of vacation. I better work fast!

Sometimes I'm surprised by my unexpected emotional responses to events I knew to expect. #changeisinevitable

If your friend's page has posts made mostly by a stranger, chances are your friend was abducted by aliens.

Ran 5.2 miles today. The pace was slow but even so it's the farthest I've gone in well over a year. #turningcorners

Sang Just My Imagination, changing the words a bit to suit a female singer. Later learned, one of the original Temptations was in the audience. Cool, right?

After months and months of hiatus, H and I are singing tonight. Haven't had the heart for it. But it's good we're here.

Additionally, I put up my holiday lights tonight. They leave a very festive glow in the house. I love this time of year.

There is a reason why it's not a good idea to buy holiday candy two weeks before the holiday. ROLOS!

I think Rolos may be the best combination of chocolate and caramel on the planet.

Had 2 Xmas choir concerts today. 1 for each of my little ladies. A lot of driving, but worthwhile. I love how happy they are when they sing.

Works over! Ho ho ho! Time to brush off Rudolph's nose and antlers, taking Lois on a Christmas shopping extravaganza!

I hate when my boss asks me what I think. It's a no win for me. Especially, when he has already decided what I think. #gottalovehalfdayfriday

When my whipped cream covered ice cream cup slipped, I somehow caught it with my chin. I now look like Santa. Surprisingly, not a bad look for me

I received a business email containing the word "supposively." I could say something but perhaps silence is the best action to take.

Since it's too cold for my lunchtime run, I've been Insane at lunch instead. I might just get a six pack yet.

All of us have unseen troubles and all of us need a little tenderness. Be gentle with others. #whydoiwakeupat4withthesethoughtsinmyhead

If I had to pick a marine animal to be, I think I would choose to be a seahorse.

Can I now send posts?

Test

For some strange reason, I can no longer post mobily. I keep trying but am getting no where. I am sure it will work out soon, but who knows.

Anyway, 2 in the morning and no sleeping. My mind is full of thoughts of Dad. His birthday is the 13th. And actually, I think I have done fairly well. I have my moments which spring up on me, unexpectedly. Like for instance, the man at the airport, who had eyes similar to Dad's. Caught me a bit off guard. But mostly my most difficult moments have been private and I believe that is best.

And actually, the show has keep my mind on other things. But the last few weeks, I don't know. I feel I am going a bit backwards. Thoughts and visions of his last few months keep popping into my mind, unexpectedly. I did not have these types of moments right after he past,but perhaps that is because I had just lived it. It was still very fresh in my mind and much of it I had to push aside at the time, because there were other more important matters to deal with on that day, or to prepare for the next day would be, as each day was a bit different. Now, it's as if it is all coming back. My mind had put it all on hold until it was ready to figure out where we were going to file all of these images and memories. Maybe it's decided it's time to face that terribly tragic time.

My heart is not agreeing with my head just now. Heck I still have moments when I can't believe he is gone and it's like I am being punched in the stomach all over again. There are times I go back through my actions and wonder if I had done something different, maybe I could have stopped it. I had pneumonia, he had pneumonia. Who had it first? Or did we both get it from that damn nursing home. What if I had kicked out those stupid nurse trainees when they were in there without their masks? Could that have changed things? Would he still be here?

I know these are mute points because I can't go back. I can't bring him back. But that is the problem, I want him back. You see? My heart is not ready to face what my mind and head need to face.

The greatest tragedy of all of it, to me, is that Dad was aware. There are a lot of misconceptions among "people" of the state that he was in mentally those last few months, and I am not saying that anyone misled anyone but I think people did not necessarily see what was there in it's whole context. He was there, more than he had been for awhile. He engaged more than before. And some people, I think, did not or could not, (and there is no blame her or finger pointing) admit that for various reasons. Perhaps they had only seen him once or twice and at those times, he was having a bad couple of hours. Maybe if they thought he was of sound mind, they could not justify rationally why he was in that place in the first place.

Whatever the case, there was only a few times when I knew he was struggling that day, and he was a bit fuzzy on things. But the next day, I could go back and he would have things as clear as day. And it was those days that mattered, those days I would not miss. The fuzzy days mattered too, because no one should struggle on their own, but all of it was him. He had more good days then bad, but either way it was still Dad.

My little girl turns 29 today. Say what?!?! A day for memories, gratitude, pride, fun, joy, celebration, cake and a good stiff drink!

I have ordered my first Smartphone. I hope we get along well. My last few phone relationships have been rather love/hate. #movingon

Thinking about all the folks out on the East coast. May you stay safe and sound tonight.

Some days it seems there is an over abundance of crabby people. Zen, baby, zen.

I don't think I'd make a good lion, wolf or bird of prey. No matter how hungry I was, I'd never be comfortable hurting another creature.

Much more fun texting when I'm up here and she's downstairs watching TV. Better than getting off my ass to go talk directly! #sillypleasures

Saturday mornin' and all the folks are out running together. Maybe I should find a running club. But what if I couldn't keep up!?

Feeling a lot of pressure today-worried I'll fail- have to get it all done- be the best-come out on top...hmmm...maybe too much coffee.

Dear Sleep Fairy: I have to get up in a couple of hours. So a few zzzzzzzs beforehand would be much appreciated. Love, Sleepless.

Some keep their distance. Others want to be needed. Some are dull. Others light the room. Some you can't escape and some can't be found.

Cesar is amazing. But I think my new favorite is Steve Backshall. He reminds me of a leprechaun who is extremely buff.

"It is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing." The Sun Also Rises/E. Hemingway

Cold toes! Numb thumb!

Another beautiful day for my lunchtime run! Yesterday I pooped out after a mile and a half. Unusual for me. But today we go the distance!

A restless night with dreams of home, playing under the weeping willows, and Pops. If only we had the power to make some memories real again.

Upon being introduced for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "You must be the woman." Ummmm.....

Any middle-aged man who goes to Walgreen's just to buy approximately 2 dozen little stuffed animals is all right in my book.

The moral of the story? Count your blessings for 40 days and 40 nights. :o)

Had a nice lunchtime run today and skipping the gym this afternoon so I can get ready to go out on the town with my buds. Friday!

Oh, it's gorgeous outside! It's been too hot to run outdoors at lunchtime lately but today it's perfect weather! Gimme those shoes, baby!

Weatherman says a cold front's coming thru which is going to cool things off significantly! Afterwards we'll only be in the mid-80s. Heh heh.

"Talk less. Listen more." My communication credo. Although, I always seem to forget it when it matters most.

Home too late! Nat Geo Wild is running Info-mercials! Now, how do I fall asleep? :oP

"I'm keeping my distance and hearing you tell me your story. You're telling your story. I'm watching my heart." Vance Gilbert

So another day, another dollar....I think 3-day weekends should be mandatory.

This weekend: half-day Friday; wedding with friends; cards with friends; and any other surprises that might come along.

Ooooo. What the heck?

I have trouble going to bed early on Sunday nights. Doing so is like accepting the fact I must get up for work Monday morning. Denial.

Me: My solid blue for the wedding? My magic polka dot dress maybe too juvenile. H: Polka dots aren't juvenile. Calling them magic may be.

I just found another four-leafed clover. I love clover patches. This one shall be laminated and carried with me. #luckyluckyme

There is nothing like a night with good friends to help me back to the sunny side of the street. #countingmyblessings

Woke up way too early 2 days in a row. Yesterday, I got up and ran 2 miles. Today my lazy ass is laying in bed. Yep. I'm versatile.

Oh, yeah. My face? Well, I look a little like a prize fighter. Poppa would be so proud!

Not sure why but when I went to hug my li'l doggy friend yesterday, he bit my face. I always seem to have that affect on men.

Love Saturday mornings. Few are out and about. It's beautiful out and I am off for my workout. Love these mornings.

Been working from 3 hours sleep. Holding my own, of course, but maybe a little shut eye wouldn't hurt. I'll try. Sweet dreams, sweet friends.

Didnt get to sleep 'til 2 and now up contemplating future. It could turn out to be a draggin' kind of day....but at least it's Friday!

Harm, Amos and I sitting on the curb singing "I love a parade!" (Amos is the baritone)

Lately, life seems to be going my way more than I'm used to. I wonder if my perspective has changed or if Dad is nearby looking out for me.

1 day left of my nice long weekend! I'm sure I'll be ready to go back to work on Wednesday.....NOT!

Time to wise up and get serious.

Having a great night with my beautiful daughters harmony and hilary and philip in the city! Happy birthday to me!!!

As a kid, I hoped to look as good and be as successful as Jane Fonda was when I turned 50. Only 2 more hours. I fell a little short. Ha!

"Another day older and deeper in debt." Sixteen Tons

Sometimes I dream he is feeling better, sitting up, talking to me. Then I wake up.

A special shout out to Charlie, Alex, Zach, Millie and Harmony. You guys were wonderful. Thank you.

"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me." Jim Valvano

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." Henry Ellis

I realized the other day that I'll never ever get to see my own skeleton and that sucks because it would be cool to see what it looks like.

I like spending my lunchtime running. Afterward, espescially on beautiful days like today, I don't want to come back in and work. :o)

Started some hard boiled eggs earlier and forgot to set the timer. Just took them off the fire. This could be interesting.

Great day. Saw Hil O'Beans perform AND and her solo got a great review in the Trib. Then later I got to play in a bouncy house! Fun!

Blizzard are fun every once in awhile, but give me this hot stuff and I just love it! I really do.

These restless nights, trying to fathom the unfathomable, wondering what I could've done to affect a different outcome: no conclusion.

Work out. Rehearsal. Helped Lois with her yard work. Then home to do my yard work. A long productive day...It is the weekend, right?

It must be my Irish blood that compels me to stop at each a clover patch I see to look for a 4 leafed variety. I usually find one, too.

I hate the middle of the night when I really want to talk to someone but I can't really talk to anyone because it's the middle of the night.

Tomorrow: New day. New chances. New hopes. New choices. New.

How is it that a single shoe ends up in the middle of a busy roadway?

They say that hippos and whales are related species and evolved from a land animal. This seems wrong to me considering the amount of water

I was thinking that if I was as interesting as characters in movies or television, I might be much more appreciated...Even noticed.

Many planes overhead this morning. It always makes me wonder where those folks are going and if they will have fun when they get there.

Ladies..ladies...the perfume...good God...you don't need to smell like the whole garden. 1 or 2 flowers will do.

I am # 7 tomorrow! One of my favorite numbers!

They say if you really want to find something you should stop looking for it

I've only been to 1 Bulls game, when the kids danced there at halftime some years ago. Would've loved to have been there tonight! Go Bulls!

Perhaps we need life referees. Then, when someone runs into you with their cart while grocery shopping, a foul would be called.

In another galaxy far, far away.....nope. Still here. But the sun is shining and I am free to wear underwire. Life is good.

Rabbit rabbit!

A wonderful night of dance! Brings back joyous memories of when my girls were first learning. I am so blessed...but where did the time go?

I haven't been to karaoke in awhile. I think it's time for a song or two. Maybe it will help pull me out this funk.

A man walked up while reading his lottery tickets. He opened my car door and was surprised when I pulled it shut. Oops, wrong car!

Spent the night in the big city with the little chickees for Phil's birthday. It was nice.

Bikram yoga this morning. That class kicks my butt! Love it.

Today

It was a month ago this evening when things changed. I cannot believe it has been a month. In many ways time has stood still. Each day I wake up and each day I go through my routine, work, work out, clean, eat, watch some television. Within that month, The first show I was lucky enough to direct opened, closed and was successful from my point of view. 9 shows, 6 sold out, 3 more than half, and at least two and half standing ovations and it was a wonderful experience. But in my heart I find a hole; when I think about it all too hard, I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. It is a feeling that makes me feel completely vulnerable, empty. No one lives forever, but how the hell does that help? It doesn't. I understand now why people go to cemeteries. I never understood that before. I think now perhaps they go to get close to the person, to know they are there, or rather were there. I think they go because it is the only place they can go to try and connect or to see the person. There are times I would like to go see him, go talk to him, go tell him how it hurts and how much I miss him. But there is no where for me to go and satisfy those needs. That's okay. I work through it. Anyway, I just needed to talk about. I think about him everyday. I don't quite grasp how someone can be there one day and gone the next, even though I rationally know that is life. I ask myself questions about if I had done things differently would it have made a difference to where we are today. I ask myself if I did all that I could. I ask myself why I did not get back to him sooner as I said. I ask myself how odd it is to think that I will not seem him again while I am on this earth. I ask myself if that thought will get easier to live with or harder to live with. Anyway, I remind myself to celebrate his life and not mourn his loss, but today I just needed to acknowledge the time that has passed because inside of me it feels like time has stood still.

Go Bulls!!!

I admit I am a little lost right now. But soon, I will find my footing and when I do, I will be renewed, unlike anyone I have been before.

If anyone asks, it was all because I loved you. What else is there? Eating, breathing, hoping, needing? Ok. There is that...those.

Cards tonight. So fun. Great folks.

I took my first Bikram yoga class today. I loved it so much, I may go back tomorrow!

My daffodis opened this morning, which makes up for the chill in the air.

It is interesting that often the best times in one's life are often accompanied by some of the most tragic times. Balance, I guess.

9 shows in total: 6 sold out and so far 2.5 standing ovations. Holding my breath for tomorrow and Sunday.

Been working out but my hearts not in it. But each day gets easier and I know he'd tell me to keep smilin' and to keep tryin'. So I do. :o)

Lately, once asleep, I sleep hard, waking only at thoughts that serve as alarm clocks. Still, getting to sleep seems to be the tricky part.

What time is it? .......it's April.

My little doggie friend is visiting. It's funny how dogs can sense a person's need for a little extra attention.

2nd night. Sold out show......and even more importantly...all of you rocked it! Thank you!

At 16, I did Godspell for the 1st time. My costume was one of my Dad's Navy uniforms. I love you, Dad.

I lost my Superman tonight. I don't know what I'll do without him but he'll be in my heart as I figure it out.

I don't like the serious parts.

If there was no such thing as cryptonite in this world, would Superman live forever?

I'm so tired which, of course, is why I'm awake contemplating all of the things on my to-do list. Thank goodness: "Tomorrow is another day."

There must be a lesson in this. I must not be seeing it clearly enough to learn it and then move on. Mondays!

A tragic reminder to be thankful for all good gifts, my heart goes out to Japan and Hawaii and hope the best for the West Coast of the US.

Ever get the feeling you're waiting for something? You aren't, not really. But if that something came along would you know it or miss it?

I just saw a robin!!!!!

"Who has words at the right moment?" Charlotte Bronte

Sunshine on my shoulders.....hmmmm....scratch that.

They say you don't be there so much, especially if he's out of it. He doesn't know. I guess, but I would know. And he'd do the same for me.

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." Aldous Huxley

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." Aldous Huxley

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." Aldous Huxley

"All right, then, I'll go to hell." Mark Twain

"Be obscure clearly." E.B. White

Despite the whirling snow storm that greeted me as I left, it was encouraging to see the spring displays up inside the store. Soon!

Nothing relieves stress better than a good run, but with hips acting up and this cough, I guess I will settle for a good walk and bike ride.

When faced with the inevitable, some will always give up and some will always fight back. Both being fatal, it's just a matter of time.

Busy weekend: work outs, errands, rehearsals, and appointments. I should probably get some sleep but am enjoying the moment of nothing.

I guess I didn't get the memo that the world was going to be confusing this week!

"It is remarkable how long men will believe in the bottomlessness of a pond without taking the trouble to sound it." Henry David Thoreau

I say we all boycott and head south until the weather shapes up and gets warmer!! Who's with me?

Mother Nature seems cruel sometimes. Yet surely none of us were promised a bed of roses. But once in awhile a single stem might be nice.

I don't mind being alone, but I do hate moments of loneliness. Boo! Hiss! I hate that part of me.

Pops wasn't having an easy time of it tonight. Even after 30 years of this BS, he never complains + finds reasons to smile. He is my hero.

Tried for seven miles today and the body ran out of fuel just shy of 7. I will try, try again the next time.

Woot! I was just carded!!

ICU is for rest but with all of the beeps, alarms and loud personnel, it's a wonder anyone comes out of it better than they went in.

I have a tremendous taste for an Italian beef with hot peppers and mozzarella. Is it worth the extra time at the gym? Hmmm....

It's so nice outside, if I weren't a native, I could easily fool myself into thinking winter is over and spring is just around the corner.

While straddle stretching today, I actually touched my knee with my head! I havent been able to do that since I was a kid and ran around doing th

I have always wondered how anyone could possibly close the car door on their own fingers.....now I know. Ow!

In the front yard, the melting snow has revealed a fully intact bird's nest; a sad reminder of the blizzard and its tornadoes of snow.

"Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Henry David Thoreau kept things in perspective when he said: "Why should I feel lonely? Is not our planet in the Milky Way?"

"I beleive that men are generally still a little afraid of the dark-" Henry David Thoreau

All surviving Kryptonians should meet up with surviving Vulcans. They have similar backgrounds after all. MASH UP! Superspock!

Hooray!!! I ran 6 miles today! I think that is a personal record. Woot!

It's so crazy cold outside! Snuggling was made for nights like this. Damn it.

"History repeats itself, and that's one of the things that's wrong with history." Clarence Darrow

"Every path but your own is the path of fate. Keep on your own track, then." Walden - Henry David Thoreau

In an attempt to preserve my perspective during a trying time, I've been rereading Walden. It's so much more meaningful with age....my age.

Must have a case of the grumpies

Sorry. Let me start over (attitude is everything) What a beautiful sunny day today! Warms my insides!

Uncomprehensible: they have a completely empty parking lot and yet park right next to you, 8 inches away from your driver's side door. Rude.

It's nice to be able to get to the gym in the middle of the day for a change, but my goodness these ladies talk....a lot!

"It took all the strength I had just to keep on keeping on." Ray LaMontague

The snowflakes falling outside are crazy. The are the best kind for catching on one's tongue!

"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." Mother Teresa

Hmmmm. One of my favorite lunches: a couple of warm freshly boiled hard eggs. Good and good for you!

Okay. I feel better now.

And just remembered the stupid Stupor Bowl is on tonight. Normally I'd be excited but still mad Bears lost. Off to gym to lighten my mood.

A light sleeper, I'm sensitive to sound. An early bird, my neighbor is outside at 5 a.m. making all kinds of noises. A bad combination.

I think Thoreau was right on the mark when he indicated wanting to live in a cave was one of our most primitive of instincts.

Perhaps i judged my little Pantech to harshly. After having drowned yesterday, it just turned on, granted a bit water logged.

"Truth is a demure lady, much too ladylike to knock you on the head and drag you to her cave." William F. Buckley

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more." William Shakespeare

Just walking outside in snow up to my thighs makes me feel like I am a little kid again! So crazy fun!

And I think it's important to note, it was a night just like tonight which helped to make Rudolph famous. :o)

Hope everyone is home safe and that they find themselves in a warm, dry place for the evening. I feel bad for all of the wildlife out in this. Br

The great thing about working from home is not having to drive in bad weather. The bad thing about it...no chance of a snow day. ;o)

"Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better." Albert Einstein

My li'l doggy friend apparently decided I spent too much time using my laptop tonight, as indicated by his sitting on top of it as I typed.

5 miles: 76 minutes. Not the best time but 5 miles is encouraging.

"If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research." Albert Einstein

I hate losing.

Ok. Just listened to Lovey on AM radio. Now I am just mad. He should be a politician not a football coach.

I am very sad.

Our first rehearsal AND the BEARS! game - what an exciting day it is going to be! But first, the gym. Hooray!

Chicago Verge Dance Theatre. Keep your eye on this one. It's bound to be something special.

A good night with much success!

I think Alec Baldwin has a nice speaking voice.

Don't try. Do.

I guess I have gotten too cynical, the part of me that always believed it was possible to have an open honest relationship is bit a distant memor

"Who's 'they'? Why don't you all get together and be 'they' yourselves?" The Age of Innocence, Edith Wharton

When Zen and Yoplait fail me: "In the wee small hours of the morning when the whole wide world is fast asleep, I lie awake..." (Carly Simon)

If Zen eludes, I convince myself I'm low on yogurt or eggs. This affords me time to walk around Meijer or Target just to think. Ah, Yoplait!

Breathe in. Breathe out. Ah. Zen.

Stupid Wonder Years: I am watching the episode when Winnie leaves and getting all choked up. Yes, I am a wimp. Time to change channel!

The gym has been crazy crowded with a lot of new faces this week....I'm thinkin' it might have something to do with New Year's resolutions!