What would you do if you found out the man you were seeing had an Elvis suit in his closet?

Friends. Fun. Laughs. Song. Leopard ears and tail. Milky Way shots. What more could you ask for? . . .two milky shots!:-P

BOOOO!!!! Did I scare you? Did I? Did I, huh? Did I?:-O

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here until
the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I've never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love
And not feel your rain

Set me free
Let me be
I don't want to fall another moment
Into your gravity
Here I am at a stand
So tall, just the way
I'm supposed to be
But you're onto me
And all over me

You loved me because I'm fragile
But I thought that I was strong
but you touch me for a little while
and all my fragile strenght is gone

Set me free
Leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment
Into your gravity
Here I am at a stand
so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're onto me
And all over me

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing I still know
Is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down

You're onto me, onto me and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

by Sara Bareilles

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
but something told me to run
And honey you know me, it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
And I found myself listening

CHORUS
Cause I don't know who I am,
who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I can stand
Another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
Cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
and I think I am just as torn inside

CHORUS

And I won't be far from where you are
if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone
I've ever loved at all
but you taught me how to trust myself
and so I say to you this is what i must do

CHORUS

She who dares to stand where I stood

By MISSY HIGGINS

It seems I miscalculated the intensity of this love affair
Silly me, thought that what goes around surely comes round
That what I did for you, old friend, you'd do for me
At least now I know, at least now I can see

Keep it in perspective,
so you say
Lord knows I try
Seems perspective has to be
Keeping you at arm's length
And I don't like that baby
Cause the nights have been too cold
And I'm losing all my strength

It seems I miscalculated the intensity of this love affair
Silly me, thought that what goes around surely comes round
That what I did for you, old friend, you'd do for me
At least now I know, at least now I can see

When you lost your way,
I waited
Turn from east to west
And this heart was unabated
Knowing it would stand the test
But it seems I'm losing, baby
Cause you cannot seem to show
Maybe it's time to let it go

It seems I miscalculated the intensity of this love affair
Silly me, thought that what goes around surely comes round
That what I did for you, old friend, you'd do for me
At least now I know, at least now I can see

Now it's me
who's lost and needing
Nowhere to turn
So perspective's gone away
And it's time to let it burn
And I think I miss you baby
Though I'm not allowed to say
Wish you could hold me today

COPYRIGHT OCTOBER 2008

Remember the early years
Babies having babies,
but we made it through
Those times you could not hold on
That's when I held on for two
I did it all for you.

CHORUS:
I'd fight to the end to keep you sweetly
To make this life complete
I could hold you for hours
One of my great superpowers
I'd put it all aside to see you smile
Always thought you'd be there,
There for awhile

When we were learning how to make it
This young family of four
Met a lot of hard knocks
Not too many open doors
And even when you ran
I'd wait, though I didn't understand

CHORUS

And as years went by and
You'd slip into your silence
Head or heart hurt
I was by your side
So strong were these
Ties that bind

CHORUS

But one day, when my turn came
And I started to fall
Cause life seemed to be turning grey
You just let me slide and
Slip down all alone
You simply turned and walked away

Always thought you'd be there baby
There for awhile


COPYRIGHT OCTOBER 2008

For some reason I have a taste for a bologna sandwich. Weird. I haven't had bologna for years and years. I don't even like it.

The new testament according to Matthew and a director who is misguided on the point of the parables or the characterizations. So scary.

"I don't know what I've done or if I like what I've begun-But something told me to run+ honey, you know me-it's all or none"Missy Higgins

I'm looking over a four-leaf clover that I overlooked before. . . I wrote that one. No, not really. I lied. But I could've, maybe.

Okay. The reason for chefs' tall hats is quite simple, really. The taller the hat, the higher up the chain of command in the kitchen.

In reality, the argument gets most heated in my mind. I have few solid theories I have always tried to live by. Three of the most prevalent, live honestly, family first, failure is not an option.

Funny, isn’t it, that life proved to me, that as much as these were some of the most prevalent parts of my character, they are also the three I have been least successful at, and there the argument begins.

I would not change anything I have done, other than wonder if I should I have proceeded more quickly. But I know I could not, and even now, I am having difficulty accepting the inevitable.

I did what I could for my family, as honestly as I could, and I tried to not let failure be an option.

Honestly, I held on to the silence I clung to for far too long, leaving myself and those who mean the most to me in obscurity. I tried to find a way to break through it, to grab a hold of a real being, but I was repeatedly unsuccessful.

Family, it speaks for itself. It is still everything to me, but I think I am going to have to come up with a different definition of it, to learn to find it again. I have serious hurts here, on all sides, immediate and in-laws. Something I could never explain to anyone because I cannot face this failing myself. I cannot explain it myself to myself. I think maybe I tried too hard.

Failure, to me, does not necessarily mean perfection, but mostly it means never giving up. But this time I did, I gave up. I let go. I did not want to. But there was no other alternative. I looked for alternatives. I still do, to be honest. But I see none. And I cannot hold on alone. I could not hold on alone any longer.

So change is inevitable.

I have not been myself lately. I am one of those people who is not very talented when it comes to expressing my displeasure in something. In fact, I have no talent that way whatsoever. I have to say, that's the one thing in men that I admire the most. Most of the men I have encountered have no qualms at expressing their displeasure with something. If they disagree with something someone says, they quite easily will voice that without a second thought. I find men have this trait more predominantly than women. But I think it's because they are taught that what they think is important and the world is not going to come crashing to an end because they speak their minds.

Women on the other hand, well, it's not so easy. We are taught to nurture and we are taught to accept the world around us, whether we like it or not. So expressing feelings and dislikes can sometimes be a daunting task. By so expressing, we may cause uncomfortable feelings, we may hurt someone else, we may seem out of place.

I am not saying this is true for all women, or for all men, for that matter. I just find for me, I have a lot of trouble with expressing anger, and feelings and I have always attributed this to my gender, in part.

So when I do finally express, it often comes out at the wrong time, directed toward the wrong person, for the wrong reasons.

Such a situation happened to me just a few days ago, and I am quite ashamed of myself. Currently, I have a lot of frustrating issues of which I have been unable to confront, address and put away as I so desire. I would like to move on, and I am slowly coming to realize, I may have to move on without ever figuring out where I can put them. Normally, when I come to terms with life's questions and struggles, I eventually come to a place where I can put them up on a shelf, so to speak. And if I ever need them to remind me of lessons learned, or for whatever reason, I know where they are, but I won't let them hurt me again. But these current hurts/issues, they are shared by more than myself and so are too heavy for me to put them up on the shelf alone. The person who needs to help me lift them up and put them away cannot seem to do so. This is regrettable as I am in a quandry, needing the relief of their burden. I am trying to find a way to do so alone, but think I may be better off coming to terms with the fact, that I may not get them on the shelf. They may not go anywhere at all. But I digress -

Frustration, my middle name lately. Anyway, I have a new friend. I think maybe could be a good friend, in the end. But for some reason, I allowed my anger to come rushing out the other night, unlocked by a comment which I took quite to heart. I mean, I think I had a right to make sure this friend new I did not deserve the comment, but at the same time, not the way I did, as their comment was not meant to hurt me as it did. It was a seemingly innocent comment, but one which bore a lot of truth for me, personally. They did not realize.

Anyway, so this new friend, who knows little about me or the current situation(s), ended up getting more of my anger than I intended. I am afraid I may have built up a lot of bricks on the new wall of friendship between us, this wall which is slowly coming down through the course of new beginnings. I'm afraid I looked like a looney bird to this person. I am afraid it may have been irreparable. We shall see. I hope this is not the case.

We have talked since, and I have apologized, well, actually we both apologized. But I realized through this experience, I really have no idea how to do these things. I have very little talent in how to relate to people, in how to express my feelings clearly or concisely. The only time I am certain I express my meaning clearly and unequivocably is when my mind and heart and voice express my feelings through song. It is then I know who I am and who I want to be.

So I hope my new friend will be around awhile. I hope they will give me a second chance, and perhaps a third chance if necessary. I hope they will give me a chance to get off of the ledge I have been teetering on for awhile and let me step down to where I am level again, and maybe they will let me sing them a song or two, so that they can see the nature of my heart and who I am inside.

Uh-oh. I heard one weather man predicting snow in a couple of days. That's got to be wrong, right? Ok. Sleepy time. Nite nite!

Aaaggghhh! There was frost on the windows this morning.

I am very blessed to have the children I have.

The heart is delicate. How is it someone can quietly sneak in the back door? When they try to leave, you first realize they were there.

Go BEARS! !

"Perhaps it is you who has moved away, by standing still." Drummond, Inherit the Wind

Ah, spooning. Be it into a dish of ice cream or be it laying next to someone, length to length; does it get any better?

"You've got a secret. Don't you babe? Yeah, you've got a secret. Don't you, babe? And I ought to know. Yeah, I ought to know." Missy Higgins

"Well, you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions." Ray LaMontague

I'm certain I've been foolish. It's not the first time and certainly not the last. But it's too bad there's no OTC to relieve it.

Lover of mine,
it's been awhile
Want to hear your voice
Need to see that smile
Could you walk with me
Maybe just one mile

CHORUS
It's been so long
Doing what I do
Not to think of you
Hundred times seven two
Doing what I can
Keep this ache at bay
Hours on top of days
Still I think of you
Hundred times seven two

I know for you
Like a morning dew
Quiet for a time
Let us both renew
More for me than you
Fate to not pursue

It's been so long
Doing what I do
Not to think of you
Hundred times seven two
Doing what I can
Keep this ache at bay
Hours on top of days
Still I think of you
Hundred times seven two

Hey baby you
Are a sight to see
Why that furrowed brow
Why the mystery
How I miss your smile
It's been such a while

Lover of mine
it's been awhile
Want to hear your voice
Need to see that smile
Could you walk with me
Maybe just one mile

COPYRIGHT MARCH 2008

I know I scare you a little
These feelings I have
Admittedly
Scare me too.

Don't know what they are
Or what they mean
Won't quantify
Limitless

But if I'm lucky
enough to love you
Don't worry
no words spill

Won't let anyone know
what's here inside
least of all me,
least of all you

COPYRIGHT MAY 2007

I attribute this phenomena to growing up in a family of nine. It was rare, if ever, to have no human noise of some kind going on about the house.

I am having one of those moments whereby, if I didn't know any better, I could swear I was the only person left on the planet.

Sweet boy, you know I know
what we're about
There is no need to shout
That's why I leave you be
But when you need you come to me.

This silent love we share
How I ache to feel you near
They will never know
and never see
How much you have given me

So I wait for you
in desperate hours
Mesmerized by your sweet power
When they forget your senses
come find me in my high tower.

When they leave you
high and dry
it's here you come to hide
They never know or never see
you're the light in these lonely eyes.

COPYRIGHT APRIL 2007

What's the deal with chef hats? I mean, why are they so tall? There must be some logic to it, right? but I can't come up with anything.

Dad's birthday today. Happy Birthday.

Best part of talking to you through song
You hear it all before you say
"You know, I can't stay, I can't be long."
So I put it on a staff and then I pray

CHORUS
So hear it clearly, sweet man
There is only one place I want to be
I don't care what the world thinks
I don't care what they see
I can't explain how it happened
But you are what I need

Best part of loving you through my tune
Every part of me gives to every part of you
Like four 'o'clock waiting for the moon
You know this old heart is way past due

Best part of this crazy love affair
I have you beside me, though fleeting
While you are I know you care
Then my heart's still til our next meeting

CHORUS

Worse part of loving you
Can't tell a soul, never would
But this heart is way past due
Want to love you open, oh, I could

COPYRIGHT JUNE 2007

CHORUS
I haven't been the wisest
when it comes to affairs of heart
So tell me,
who are you, sir?
And what is this thing we start.

Who are you, sir?
I see you
Looking across the room
Who are you, sir?
I need to
learn if this soul can bloom

Who are you, sir?
Believe me,
I'm certain I haven't got a clue
Who are you, sir?
Such sweetness
when I chance looking at you

CHORUS

Who are you, sir?
Believe me,
I'd lose myself in your eyes
Who are you are, sir?
Such feelings
Come as complete surprise

CHORUS (bridge)
I haven't been the luckiest
Love's always been out of reach
So help me
What can I do, to help me, help you
Wonder and find the truth

Who are are sir?
Confound me
I find I'm missing you
Who are you, sir?
My heart's down
Laid on the line for you

CHORUS


Copyright October 2008

Loving you is like chocolate covered caramels
savoring the flavor until the caramel lies naked in my mouth

Knowing that is so, my mind won't let you go
It's all been said before
but from me to you,
somehow means more

Shooting stars in your eyes
kisses like pillows where my head lies

Arms so strong, that enfold your hands so sure,
your touch so bold

Loving you is like a warm blanket on cold nightsS
oft as clouds draped gently against my skin
Here today, then gone for awhile
But right now, today, you bring your smile

At night, steady in your stealth
you give me love like a shamrock's wealth

Loving you is like a cool splash of water
on a hot summer day
refreshing droplets landing sweetly on my tongue

How can I forget you, sweet man
Come back to me when you can
Need someone to hold me tight
Need to feel your warm light.

Copyright May 2007

I've been painting this ship, it seems, forever and a day. To take her out to sea, to feel her floating under me. I've been painting this ship, it seems forever and a day, but I think she's almost dry.

Some cut + run. Some stand + fight. Years ago: He'd cut + run without ever leaving. She stood + fought for a cause only she believed in.

32:46. Not my best, but not too bad, considering.

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.:-)

Oh my gosh what a great night. Hay ride with a starry sky, s'mores by a campfire, friends, dancing, singing some Gladys, Jim + Carole. Fun!

When two hearts join, they remain joined. Times, needs and love may change. Bodies may part. Still. that first connection is never broken.

Ignorance is bliss. Those who are unaware or apathetic seem content to be so. I sometimes wish I was on that side of the fence.

There are times lately, when I find myself feeling like I did when I was in high school; totally unsure of myself, shy, wondering if I fit in. What is that all about? I'm way to old for that sort of nonsense. At my age, a person should be fairly comfortable in their own skin. Yet, I find myself looking in the mirror and I don't really know who is looking back at me.

I'm not sure if this is a positive turn of events or if somehow I am going backward. But I keep getting up every morning, trying to stay positive. I feel like I'm walking on an automatic belt. My feet are moving, but everything is going by faster than my feet are going. I can't seem to grab a hold of the railing or yell, stop. I want to stop, for a minute. I need to breathe.

It's as if I don't sleep, from morning to night, my thoughts are spinning in my mind and when I do sleep, if I don't dream, it feels as if the sleep was so fast, it never really happened.

I think, as I go over things, it's all a matter of trust: trust in others, sometimes, but mostly, I think it's trust in myself. I seem to have lost that core, knowing who I was, or what I was about. I feel like I am in the middle of a journey. I'm not sure when it really started, it was a number of small events, which lead to some major ones. And now, this road lends no clue as to its final destination. The past is behind me, the future is out of site. The here and now, is bits and pieces of happenings, which don't all add up. It's a little confusing.

I don't like feeling unsettled. It's much easier to be comfortable. It's warmer there, too. But maybe that's the whole point. Maybe it was time to figure out who I really am....what I'm made of... it scares me. Maybe this road will lead me to nowhere. But in my heart, I've tried to accept the fact that this journey started long ago and I have no idea when it will end. It is going to be uncomfortable for awhile, regardless of the fact, that I would like to stop and find a warm place to lay down for awhile.

Because, he said,
Anytime you put your heart out there
You risk it getting broken in two
So it's really up to you
Yeah, it's up to you
Solitary confinement with a
Little love here and there
Or keep trying knowing
Those clouds are going to clear
Yeah, it's really up to you
Run and hide, or give and thrive

Copyright October 2008

Can we vote Samantha off the show? Gee

She was one of those people who stayed in the background, and was barely noticed. Not that she was meek or of little intelectual prowess.

He was one of those people who could make heads turn when he walked into a place, almost as spiritualy moving as Moses parting the Red Sea.

Go BEARS!

Because all I've ever wanted in my partner was honesty and companionship. That doesn't seem like too much to ask.

Now he goes with the friends. Apparently, they were not the issue as he always said. It was being with me. That hurts. . . a lot.

I never stopped asking him to come out with me and my friends. He would never go. Didn't need the friends, nor the time with me.

In the stillness of night
I fight this need with all my might
I hold my ground and wait for you
Because I've learned you will come through

I have no right to want you so
You have no right to ask me too.
And in the dark are hands will ramble
Our dance begins in passioned scramble

We love like ebb and flo
Here one minute and then you go
How well we both hide
Gone like sand washed by the tide

In your stealth you come for me
I have never refused you because I see
You brought me much, I live for time
I'd give it all for this act of crime


COPYRIGHT April 2004

I have been battling inflammation and welts the last few days. My wrist is so swollen you'd think it's broken. The worst: the bottom of my feet.

Some players seemed a bit put off. My bro said they don't like playing with women, let alone being beaten by one. That made me smile inside.

Came in 3rd place. Up two since last time. Even got more back than I put in. That's cool. I'm learning a lot of it has to do with patience.

Oh, you Cubbie bears! Come on, you know you can do it! Put your mind to it and get it done!

Cubbies, Cubbies, Cubbies, what the heck?

Trying to recall
What was it I learned
A lesson I swore I'd never forget
To find the place in me
Where I knew I was all
It was what it was meant to be

Sheltered this fragile heart
Remember the hurt to shield
And swore never to give in to the need
To know that place in me
Where I'd find a way
To know that I only needed me

But you've thrown me off this course
This highway made of solitary tears
Looking back and front and
The side view mirrors, checking my back
But it's you I find waiting
Like a prince on a thrown

You're my morning light
My nighttime lullaby
It can't be, this crazy thing
So I'm telling you now, I'm walking
I'm walking away to where I begin again
I know you won't look back to find
Where I might end up

But you are the roadblock waiting for me
Baby, I'm walking away now
Do you see, make sure you take a look now
Because you aren't going to find
me knocking on your door again
This heart is going to live on its own again
Baby, don't look at me like that

Cause you've thrown me off this course
This highway made of solitary tears
Looking back and front and
The side view mirrors, checking my back
But it's you I find waiting
Like a prince on a thrown
You're my morning light
My nighttime lullaby

Copyright August 2008