Watching the Bears, and later, the kids and I are headed to Brookfield to see some real bears under the glow of holiday lights. A good day!

Well, I have been sending many posts via mobile, but clearly, none have arrived here. That is unfortunate as I cannot recreate them all. Although, truly, what words of wisdom could you have missed? Nothing too enlightening I am sure.

So let me say, Happy Holidays. And while I am here, let me see if I can figure out why I am not currently able to post via mobile.

It looks kind of nasty out there but looks can be deceiving. Is it nasty enough to excuse myself from the gym?

The population of the lions had been 450,000 just 50 years ago. It is now 20,000. As it stands projected extinction 2020. Sad.

Just discovered I have National Geographic Wild! Who knew? So excited! (I'm a sucker for nature shows) Tonight? Big cats (lions)! Purrrrr!!!

Looking out onto a freshly snow-clad golf course, during the spa getaway weekend i won last spring. Now know how much I needed this break.

Really? I think I'm just a little tired and ready for a break. Arm or leg? Ha ha ha ha. Nite world. Sweet dreams.

Today I met a cute blond hair blue eyed 20 something. And guess what else, she was 2nd Harmony I've met in 28 years. Amazing!

So which came first: cough, walking pnuemonia or rib fracture? Ha ha ha ha. It's hell gettin' old! :o)

I am going to think positive and hope 2011 is a better year healthwise than this one has been.

Doc says it's quite possible I fractured my rib from coughing, which is due to walking pnuemonia. Xrays tomorrow.

Gobble! Have a Happy day! Gobble!

3 miles in 47 minutes.

I've had laryngitis since Sunday. Although I don't like it so well, the folks around me seem quite pleased. :oP

Where have all the cowboys gone?

It's disappointing to find that sometimes when one's true color shines thru it turns out to be a murky greyish-brown. :o)

Life is short so laugh, love and play (not necessarily in that order.)

2 miles in 31 minutes

Sometimes, I am just not proud of myself. That is just human nature, right?

It's late at night; quiet won't let me deny I am uncomfortable in my skin. No noise. No distractions. No excuses. Of me, what? What must I lead?

That was the loudest damn polling place I've ever been in. Quiet please, people voting here.

On clear nights, I look at the sky & think how I'd like to be a star for a night; serenely suspended, weightless of cares; just quiet calm.

BOOOOOOO. Oooooooooo! Fiendish friends, ghastly ghouls and monstrous monkeys, I hope you each have a Haunted and happy Halloween!!!!!!

Well, this week is over. Thank goodness! It was crazy long! Onto relaxation! Time to enjoy the weekend!!!! SPOOKY!!!

I love when people smile at you sweetly today to make up for the fact they stabbed you in the back just yesterday. Say what? :o)

Now, ready to start Year 4: the Goblet of Fire. My favorite, by the way.

I went skydiving today with my friend, Angelique. We jumped out of the plane over Elgin and landed in Toledo....Surprise!!!!!!

Why do men never see thru the women who just want to chew them up & spit them out & women never see thru the men who are in it for 1 thing?

1 mile in 17 minutes. It's a start.

Got the ok from doc to start running again if I start slowly. Today i start building back to where I was to try again for October.

Why does it seem that there are some people in this world who's only enjoyment in life is making everyone else miserable. Such a waste.

Very frustrating day. Asked questions. Try to answer. Interrupted repeatedly. Try to answer. Interrupted more. And some say I'm too quiet.

Why do they call noon, 12:00 p.m. When it comes after 11:00 a.m.? It seems illogical to me.

Decided to reread all of the Harry Potter books before the next movie's release on 11/19. Just finishing 2 and ready for 3!.

Just pulled out my tap shoes-Can't wait to use them again! Hooray!

Have I ever mentioned I cannot stand the smell of dishwasher soap when the dishwasher is running? Goodness, it is a repulsive odor!!

It's over. Boo hoo. Until next time.

I can't believe it's almost over.

I'm watching a dad throw a football to his 2 sons but he won't throw to his daughter. Thanks, Dad, for throwing me the ball and opening doors.

I am starting to really enjoy letting my hair dry naturally curly. It's so much less trouble and time!

My hair feels so soft today....I should be in a commercial!

It seems counting 12,563,452,842 sheep brings us to about 5 a.m. In my case, this allows for 2 hours of sleep and a long day. Baaah! Baaah!

Thank goodness that one is over. I don't think I could take any more!

There is no offensive line at all! What the hell?

Just think what the world would be like if all of us were as clueless as Tottendale and Kitty!

I believe my addiction to Fla-Vor-Ice may require an intervention. I just discovered banana-flavored. Thankfully, they are only 20 calories.

7 Drowsy Chaperones...6 geese a-layin'...5 golden rings...4 calling birds...

"We are only peripheral trappings ourselves, on the outside of the mystery. We are songbirds." The Sky, the Stars, the Wilderness-Rick Bass

It's hard losing the weight gained from this bad foot. Trying to do so without running seems futile. But today the scale was kind. Progress?

Getting close to the time when i break out the flannel sheets! Warm and toasty!

It's days like today when I miss having a little doggy friend. Saw a beagle/dachsund mix the other day, so cute.

Need a smile on your face? Come see the Drowsy Chaperone at Wheaton Drama. We'll do our best to make you smile awhile!

really?

Oh my. The show felt great tonight! Great audience. Great fun! I love this theatre thing!

No oil cans for me. I will rely on the power of positive thinking! I will wake up good as new! After all, tomorrow is another day!

I can do a mean tin man impression, whether I like it or not!

It's kind of nice having a regular day; work, straighten up the house, and much needed time at the gym. Ahhhh, a little breather.

Tech week is over; the show was well received; the Bears won; a wonderful weekend is over...and now a few days of much needed rest. :o)

"Sometimes I think maybe I keep going back to the places you'll be, but then i think, no, it's just me being me."

I feel so lucky to be in this show with such wonderful people, cast and crew. (Thanks, Craig!) Can't wait until tomorrow!

Uh-oh. My tree is already starting to get naked! :o(

Rain rain go away.....oh look! It worked!

Cue to cue; costumes and make up; photos; sitz pro; first dress rehearsal; Let's hope it all goes smoothly! But first - a little work out.

Able tenacity is a blessing and a curse.

So much to do. So little time! ...and it's raining.

My #1 draft pick in Fantasy football plays tonight. Come on, baby!

First full run through under our belts! Hooray!

I love the gentle sounds of bloach while driving along on beautiful days like today!

Answered my phone. The man said he had the wrong number. Caller ID said it was Little River Band. Do you think I just missed my big break?

At times I think the extra steps I take are simply to make up for all of the steps he can't. So, sorry. Ed, sometimes I just gotta run. :o)

We humans seem very dependent on all of our little "things", don't we? But are we really? Livin' in the woods in a log cabin has its appeal.

I love nights when the sky is clear and the moon is so bright and full, it causes the moonlight to reflect off my little white house.

Go to sleep....go to sleep....(I'm trying to hypnotize myself into sleeping) you are getting very sleepy...(It's not working)....go to sleep..

PT man said no more running for right now. :o(

H and I are watching a version of Pride and Prejudice we have never seen before. We wonder how it will end! Ha ha ha ha ha.

Good night crazy fun world! See you tomorrow!!

I hate bad dreams.

When we were kids mom would make popsicles for us. Maybe that's why I can't stop eating these Flav-o-ice. Good thing I bought a box of 100!

My physical therapist is so nice and I know we're making progress. But, boy oh boy, am I sore afterward! No pain. No gain. Right? Aarrgghh!

Wouldn't life be more relaxing if we could work two days and have five days off?

One of my observations of life is this: time will continue and yet so many of are standing the same place we were standing in years ago. Our feet may have moved and we may have seen many different things, but inside we are exactly where we were before. No growth, no more wisdom.

Another observation is this: much of the events are reactions to those events are all weaved together in our minds. It is not necessarily an even and orderly weave. My guess is for most of us it is a weave that has no pattern and is undoubtedly chaotic and confusing to sort through.

Seemingly separate events somehow affect another. Is the constant the events? No, it is us as human beings, individuals with minds that think, (well, some of us have minds that think) and emotions we try to grasp.

For me, right now, I do not seem to be tired. I am looking back at approximately 30 years, when my life as I created it, was being created on rather shakey ground. I would say everyone realized that, but me. I am a slow learner and I usually just deal with the task on hand, the here and now. Why? I don't know. Just my make up, I guess. Tell me what needs to be done and I'll do it. The thinking about the whys and wherefores and the effects, I save that for the middle of the night. Not a good process, I admit, but it would seem the way I work.

Anyway, it's all tied together. That's what I'm trying to say. Family issues affect other family issues. The woven memories all entwined in a rat's nest, that most days I say well, that's the way it is. Deal with it. I do and then night falls and here we are.

Anyway, when my life was on that shakey ground and I was just starting out, he was in the middle of his life, and yet in many ways, his life was sort of ending, only none of us knew it yet.

I was luckier than some. I had the childhood with the father who could play ball, who would take us camping, who enjoyed life and living. He taught us to try and to enjoy and he liked to laugh. And I had the childhood with the mother who was nurturing and caring and who also loved to laugh, and who made us feel like all was right with the world. They are both good parents who loved their children and who both deserved so much more than they were given.

It's all entangled. That's my point. I am not making it well. Who I am today has been so much influenced by who he was, who he was forced to become, and how it affected him, my mother, my siblings, my children, and me. It shaped how I see the world and choices I have made. Good, bad or indifferent. I guess some might say I should be grateful for that. Some might say God only gives you what you can handle. I don't know what I say on that. I say how can anything in life be so cruel to a person for so long. There is such a thing as quality of life.

And then I say, that I should remember to count my blessings. There are many tragedies in this world. That is not the point tonight.

The point is that it is all entwined in my head. What have I learned to unravel from the rat's nest in my head over the years is probably very little.

I do know, that I strive to make things count. If it is enjoying a bird on a tree or an ice cream sunday, I try to remind myself that this time on this earth is short. And there is no guaranty that each day I am here, I will have the physical ability to walk through the zoo or eat an apple on my own. I remind myself that all that is around me is a gift. I do not want to waste the time here. I do not know how much time I have. I try to do what I can to extend the time and still it is a crap shoot. How many times have we heard of the physically fit person who just dropped dead on the street one day. It's all a gift.

God knows I am not perfect at practicing this philosophy. I swear at stupid drivers. I worry about work. I get nervous about finances. Sometimes when my joints hurt, I can't help but complain. But I try to remember as best I can to keep going with my head high and to breath it all in, even the bad. Because all of it is living.

If I'm on the treadmill and I just don't feel like doing it anymore...I will look down at my legs and be grateful they are moving and that they carry me as they do. Who knows if they will tomorrow or next month. And somehow, I forget that I don't feel like running anymore and I complete my work out as originally planned.

Blah, blah blah, right?

Maybe. Here's the thing. This attitude, this need to live isn't in a bubble. It needs to encompass my whole life or it doesn't mean anything. I won't sit down and wait for...for what? What are we waiting for? Tomorrow. If I can't tell you how I feel today, will tomorrow be any easier? And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and they all add up, as Harold Hill says, "a lot of empty yesterdays." That is not who I want to be. And it's a choice we each must make.

I think about my future in terms of the present and the past. If it was me in that bed, who would be there to help me through it? I hope not a Harry Houdini. I don't need Harry Houdini. I need somebody brave enough and scared enough to be there with me, to live it with me, and that way we are living, not existing, through the good and the bad. I believe there is a difference. I have made the choice in my life to live.

I talk a good game, don't I? And yet, here I am up at night, unable to sleep. Why? Quite simply put, after all this time, I am in the same spot, in a way, only now, I can recognize that I am on shakey ground. That's kind of funny if you think about it.

Nite all.

There are many observations I could share about the Bears' play tonight, but let me just say Jay Cutler could use an updated hairstyle.

I have my Bears shirt on! Do you?

Everytime I go grocery shopping, I walk by the Birthday Cake ice cream and boy oh boy do I want it, but so far I remain strong....

Sometimes when I am here, an unsolicited memory will reach in and grab my heart hard and I realize it is my helplessness that plaques me.

At the cougars game with my date Harvey the grasshopper. Hes been here all game and is eating part of my pretzel!

Sun showers! How fun.

Maybe I will find reason in the writing of it - others may find hope or lessons in our failures; our triumphs. Maybe then I'll sleep. Lol.

Had dinner tonight with my sis and her snowman. They always help me find sanity out the insanity.

I hate bad dreams. It's time for some good dreams....oh, damn it...it's morning already....

I hate bad dreams. It's time for some good dreams....oh, damn it...it's morning already....

I want this part over except that I don't know what the next part will be and it might be even worse.

Was a nice summer day spent downtown with the kids: lunch, the Shedd, and fun. I'm so lucky.

My oh my! That was a long day. A good day, but a long one. Sweet dreams. Zzzzzzzz

Tomorrow is the Great Urban Race. H and I are going to kick butt!

This week has been one of ups and downs. I guess all weeks are, but this one seemed more extreme than others. I am glad it is Friday.

It's so funny to me when doggies lick their chops at the slightest hint of a taste treat.

Said it once. Said it 1000 times. Just be straight with me. The truth, I am strong enough to handle, but BS, don't insult me.

Celebrate your physicality: run through a field; look for 4-leaf clovers; play wrestle with your wee ones; and smile with the sun and moon!

Hey, little ant on my windshield, leaving home? Where do go when I get where I'm going. Long trip for an ant all alone. So far from home.

What bar closes at 10 pm? People who came in after 9:45 were turned away. They wanted music and drinks after 10. Go figure.

LEVEL 17 BIKE: min . miles cal; ELLIP: 43 min 3.3 miles 397 cal; TREADMILL:33total min 20 ran 1.9 miles 204 cal 4.7 top speed

YesterdayLEVEL; 17 BIKE: 45min 8.1miles 354cal;ELLIP: 45 min 3.5 miles 434 cal; TREADMILL: 35 total 20min ran 1.9 miles 210 cal 4.7 top speed

LEVEL 17 BIKE: 32 min 6.1 miles 255cal; ELLIP: 33 min 2.4 miles 280 cal; TREADMILL: 35total min 20 min ran 1.5 miles 205 cal 4.7 top speed

"A man may be disguised...but his essence is memory, which may not be altered." By Chance by Martin Corrick

So...wait.....when's the next holiday?

Happy Birthday, sweet Country.

A beautiful day. Hooray. There is something to be said for a willing dance partner. Thanks guys.

Fun, fun!

"...delightful (life is) that it should suddenly construct a moment such as this, a moment that seems a priviledge, a reward, a gift." BY CHANCE-

Was a great day; made new friends; even had a brush with greatness (saw Ron Howard today) That's what I hoped for! + the weekend is young!

Ahhh, except for a young girl who gave me her seat. Chivalry is not dead. It is evolving! I love that!

Taking train home tonight and it is clear; chivalry is indeed dead. :o(

They just sent the people used this am home. There are 25 of us left. It sounds like they may use us soon.

Just missed getting on set but did see ron howard. More waiting. Keep fingers crossed.

I am off on my next movie adventure! I wonder what fun is in store for me today!

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: min . miles cal; ELLIP: min . miles cal; TREADMILL: 34 total min 21 min ran 1.9 miles 197 cal 4.6 top speed

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 41min 8.2 miles 323 cal; ELLIP: min . miles cal; TREADMILL:30 total min 19 min ran 1.7 miles 180 cal 4.5 top speed

I have another possible movie shoot! They will send me more details tomorrow but it is slated for Thursday! Fun!

I've a no kill policy at home. But as I cleaned today, a nasty earwig bug scared me when it ran across. Was it mean to spray it with 409?

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 45 min 9.9 miles 361cal; ELLIP: 45min 3.5 miles 425 cal; TREADMILL: 31 total min 18 min ran 1.6 miles 173 cal 4.5 top spd

Hil and I completed the hunger walk this morning. Ironically, by the time we got to the finish line, we were both hungry!

Hil and I are participating in the hunger walk on lakefront tomorrow. So I best get some sleep. Zzzzzzzzzz

The day started so well but is turning into one of feeling totally inadequate no matter what I do. Thank goodness, "Tomorrow is another day!"

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: min . miles cal; ELLIP: min . miles cal; TREADMILL: 50 tota min 30 min ran 2.8 miles 300 cal 4.6 top speed

A wonderfully refreshing + cool summertime treat, direct from the freezer: frozen strawberries, blueberries and raspberries. Scrumptious!

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 30 min 5.8 miles 237 cal; ELLIP: 35 min 2.7 miles 323 cal; TREADMILL: 35 total min 19 min ran 1.9 miles 218 cal 4.6 top speed

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 37 min 7.7 miles 289cal; ELLIP: 34 min 2.7 miles 330 cal; TREADMILL: 37 total min 23 min ran 2.0 miles 233 cal 4.4 top speed

Just saw Drowsey Chaperone at Marriott! Loved it. Funny, sweet, done with a love for the genre, but not too over the top. Wonderfully fun!

To all Daddy's out there: Have a delightful Daddy's Day! To my Dad: Thank you for showing me the gift of each day and pure determination.

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 45 min 9.4 miles 358 cal; ELLIP: min . miles cal; TREADMILL: 33 total min 20 min ran 1.8 miles 185 cal 4.6 top speed

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 35 min 7.5 miles 268 cal; ELLIP: 30min 2.3 miles 285 cal; TREADMILL: 31 total min 20 min ran 1.8 miles 210 cal 4.6 top spe

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 45 min 8.4 miles 354 cal; ELLIP: 31 min 2.3 miles 276 cal; TREADMILL: 32 total min 10 min ran 1.5 miles cal 4.0 top speed

Hired someone to sealcoat the driveway. Usually, I do it myself. They dont give it my TLC but they are faster and I'm not covered in goop.

My little friend, Amos, and I just enjoyed a lovely lunch, sitting outside and soaking up some sun. Now back to work.

Mission Impossible: understanding how trust is so easily misplaced. Mission possible: eating a popsicle...better yet..make it a fudgsicle.

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 32 min 6.3 miles 260 cal; ELLIP: 20min 1.6 miles 190 cal; TREADMILL: 33 total min 14 min ran 1. 8miles 194 cal 3.9 top s

My little puppy friend is here today. Maybe he will scare away all the creepy solicitors. But mostly he'll just keep me company.

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 45 min 8.9 miles 354 cal; ELLIP: 45 min 3.4 miles 412 cal; TREADMILL: total min min ran . miles cal . top speed

Maybe it was karma. Maybe I deserved it. It seems hurtful and right now I am numb.

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 38 min 8.5 miles 283 cal; ELLIP: 40 min 3.2 miles 379 cal; TREADMILL: 30 total min 0 min ran .9 miles 98cal 3.4 top speed

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 45 min 8.2 miles 349 cal; ELLIP: 39 min 2.9 miles 343 cal; TREADMILL: 45 total min 14 min ran 2.1 miles 213 cal 3.8 top spee

Just that 1 damn song. Always sung for mystery man and may be an effort in futility. Just sayin'. Still, a great tune.

Me thinks I have missed karaoke...and mostly my karaoke friends!

After what's been months, rumor has it there is karaoke tonight. Me thinks I must check it out!

LVL; 16 BIKE: 40 min 8.6 miles 288 cal. ELLIPTICAL: 42 min 3.2 miles 380 calsTREADMILL: 39 min 1.7 miles 170 cal 3.5 top speed ran 1 minute at

Hmmm...nothing like a hot and steaming just boiled egg! Nummy num!

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 38 min 7.8 miles 296 calories. ELLIPTICAL: 39 min 3.1 miles 370calories TREADMILL: 41 min 1.9 miles 199 calories 3.5 top

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 45 min 10.0 miles 350 calories. ELLIPTICAL: 40 min 3.0 miles 363 calories TREADMILL: 45 min 22.8 miles 192 calories 3.

I Resolved; no coffee until after audition. Audition is over! YAY! "Come to Mama, Java!" -hmmm- I wonder if I'm a caffeine addict...

So I was driving home today thinking about how old I will be. I kept thinking 58 is bad enough as it is, but to be turning 59, it just doesn't seem possible. Life is flying by and I have done little with my life.

Then I realized....wait a minute....I am not going to be 59....I am going to be 49. I am young!!!!

Hooray for me. (Okay, so maybe a bit of senility is setting in...what can I say?

LEVEL; 16 BIKE: 36 min 7.0 miles 252 calories. ELLIPTICAL: 45 min 3.5 miles 420 calories TREADMILL: 45 min 2.0 miles 212 calories 3.6 top

LEVEL; 15 BIKE: 38 min 8.2 miles 271 calories. ELLIPTICAL: 43 min 3.42 miles 406 calories TREADMILL: 39 min 1.7 miles 197 calories 3.5 top spe

LEVEL; 15 BIKE: 38 min 8.5 miles 300 calories. ELLIPTICAL: 32 min 2.6 miles 315 calories TREADMILL: 0 min 0 miles 0 calories top speed

LEVEL; BIKE: 45 min 9.3 miles 333 calories. ELLIPTICAL: 42 min 3.4 miles 411 calories TREADMILL: 37 min 1.6 miles 160 calories 3.5 t

LEVEL; BIKE: 45 min 9.6 miles 356 calories. ELLIPTICAL: 40 min 3.3 miles 402 calories TREADMILL: 39 min 1.7 miles 170 calories 3.5 t

What's with me and metal boxes this week? Now, my 'puter won't start up. :o(

Level 15 Elliptical: 3.59 miles 45 min 426 calories. Bike: 8.2 miles 37 min 275 calories. Treadmill (up to 3.5 mph) 1.76 miles 40 min

I just past a sign that said, "Memorial Day Remembered." call me crazy, but isn't that a bit redundant? I mean, isn't that the point?

Just had a new guy out for the air. First thing, he turns it on to test it and I'll be damned - the ol' beast turned on!

Thank you, Mother Nature. You are most kind.

Day 3 with no air conditioning. Getting a hard sell on a new one. Whatever! Just give me the bottom line already.

The greatest action is not conforming to the world's ways. - Fortune Cookie

"This time, idle, as thoughts fill my sophomoric mind of shared treasures, moving my complacent soul to shout for more. As the world lies quiet,

It's so hard when adult children "skin their knees". They must fall and hurt, even when stakes are high. If only a kiss and hug were enough to e

One never realizes how small their world is, until it shows itself to be a little bit bigger.

I desparately need to get to the grocery store soon! I am running out of important staples.....like whipped cream!

Hil and I are once again signed up to participate in the Great Urban Race. We are going to leave 'em in the dust!

My tree is now fully dressed and ready for WARM weather. (She looks quite lovely, if you don't mind my saying so.)

Wow, guess I haven't been on for awhile. I mean, I've sent a word here, a word there through mobile, but haven't really written.

Just one of those things I guess. My foot is getting better. I even tried running for about a minute on the treadmill. Shhhhh. Don't tell anyone. It wasn't one of my brightest ideas. But at least I realized I would be running again. It may just take awhile. It's a frustration but one I will overcome and conquer.

As for everything else, well, I don't know what to say, really. There is much to say but right now, it's just not coming out.

It's sort of like clutching to the top of a flag pole with my eyes closed. I feel the pole blowing gently in the wind, and since I can't see anything, I have no idea what's coming or if I will ever come down again. Although, the interiors of my being know I will, I'm just not sure how or when. It's a little scarey up here, the unknown, you know. But it also is quiet. As it's just me.

Just used treadmill. First try. Only went 3.5 Mph, + lasted 7 min but must start somewhere. Back to bike and elliptical..for now.

Welcome home, Minny.

The hardest part of vacation: saying goodbye to the little nieces and nephews who cry because you can't stay and play with them. :o(

Well, Miss H sprained her ankle so the 2 of us decided to spend the rest of the day sipping cocktails, poolside, with our feet up.

Spent A.M. in ER as H fell when stepping off curb. We were on our way back from breakfast to our resort at Safety Harbor. How ironic.

Today, my 5-year old nephew said to me, "You need some embelishment, like maybe some polka dots."

Today Harmony and I played pickleball. I'd never heard of it before. It was fun and did not require cucumbers.

Shuffleboard.....so exhausting!

I know once I get on that plane Thursday morning time will fly by, but right now Thursday seems so far away!

I love mornings. I just wish they were later in the day, when I'm wide awake.

"Floor length, nothing flashy, buckles, sparkles, plain back." If I had to guess, I'd say the Old Man's prom dress. :o)

It is 1 of the girls' old school books. Much is highlighted and there are many handwritten studious comments in the margins. One stands out.

"Everything about him was old except his eyes and they were the same color as the sea and were cheerful and undefeated." - Ernest Hemingway

Blah blah blah. :oP

Since homeshoring, I've forgotten how nice it is to go out in public: as we push, shove, and treat each other rudely. Maybe I've gone soft.

Tonight, while acting in a scene, I was allowed to play the part of God. Seems a stretch, I know...still, it was quite enjoyable.

I guess no sleeping for me tonight. Unfortunately, it will make for a long day tomorrow. What can I do?

Just booked trip to see li'l sis in Florida! Hooray!

Minny is always yelling at me. Make her stop. She's so mean to me. :o/

"We don't deserve love. It is a gift, given freely, without prerequisite. This is how I have learned to love." Anonymous

Do you ever have one of those George Bailey days: you think: What day was it when I became a loser? Who knows? but you'll fix it tomorrow.

18 hours=1trip to city + 3 hours in traffic + 1 scarey allergic reaction + 1 kid's tonsilectomy - 2 tonsils = long day. Aaaah....Feet up.

Lay here, reading a novel, foot throbs, I realize I'd rather be a thief than face my major personality flaw: letting go: of people + things. Ha!

It's official. Steve Carell has definitely made my Top 10 list.

It's Friday and I'm sleeping in tomorrow! (I figure I deserve to do so every once in awhile.) Happy weekend!

Take it to get some coffee
Early morning sun smile
Protects that place inside
Which hides so nice and quiet

Hit the library browsing shelves
Old fashioned need no Kindle
Stifle down that old need
Keep away from romance novels

STAYIN' BUSY THAT'S HOW I GET THROUGH
SECOND BY SECOND, MINUTE BY MINUTE WITHOUT YOU
TIME WILL TAKE THIS ACHE THEY SAY
AS TIME GOES ON HOUR BY HOUR, DAY BY DAY
STAYIN BUSY WEEK BY WEEK WITHOUT YOU

At the gym, folks ask me how I've been
Laughing through the small talk
Hides this inside crazed fragility
Work it out and walk the walk

Hide this sense of loneliness
And if I'd see you, my sunshine
I promised you, you'll never know
How much I still wish you were mine

STAYIN' BUSY THAT'S HOW I GET THROUGH
SECOND BY SECOND, MINUTE BY MINUTE WITHOUT YOU
TIME WILL TAKE THIS ACHE THEY SAY
AS TIME GOES ON HOUR BY HOUR, THEN BY DAY
STAYIN BUSY, WEEK BY WEEK WITHOUT YOU

It is one of those moments when Silence is deafening, making each small sound seem exaggerated and intrusive.

Back at gym today; biked for 30 min. Tried the elliptical but my little footsie isn't quite ready for it. :o( How to eat an elephant? :o)

Never read vampire stories right before going to sleep at night.

My cast is off! And I can try using the recumbant bike for starters. Hooray for me!

Tomorrow. I go to the doctor and I think he will take my cast off which is good! I am tired of lugging it around. AND I am hopeful he tells me I can get back to some cardio. I realize he probably won't let me run yet, but I am hoping he says I can go back to the recumbent bike or the elliptical. This would be very good. As I have been sitting on my butt and it's very hard to do any cardio with one bad foot. (If you know of any cardio that can be done with one foot, other than hopping, please let me know!)

Anyway, the one thing I am worried about is getting on the scale and seeing how much weight I have gained while sitting on my butt for 3 weeks with my foot up. That is going to be scary and I will attempt it on Wednesday morning.

All right. That's it for now. More info later after I go to the doc. Keep your fingers crossed.

Hop hop...hop hop hop...hippity...hop..hoppity hop hop....hop...hippity...hop hop...EGG! (That's never made sense to me!) Happy Easter!

Happy Easter, everyone!

I want a dragon!

I've been awake since 4 and now it's almost time to get up. What a waste of good sleepy time! :o(

It's so nice to be able to open the windows and feel the nice evening air float in.

"and so it goes and so it goes and you're the only one who knows." Billy Joel

"and so it goes and so it goes and you're the only one who knows."

Hop-a-long is back in the saddle tomorrow. :o( But no complaints-I'm grateful to be employed.

"Would you throw convention to the wind to achieve happiness?" from Jane Eyre. Charlotte Bronte

1st outing in 8 days, round the 1st corner & some car is coming right at me, driving on the wrong side of the road. What the hell?

Spent the last week in one spot with my foot up. While it sounds nice, I'm afraid my ass is making a permanent indentation in the sofa.

I'm considering purchasing a netbook as opposed to a laptop. Any advice? Are they good for games, as well as email or internet access?

Billy Bob Thornton is soooooo creeeeepy!

I can actually walk on my boot today! (Well, sort of, anyway...) YEAH! Progress!

Luck o' the Irish to you. Happy St. Patty's Day!

I am very lucky to have such wonderful and supportive friends.

Just finished my LORD OF THE RINGS marathon, extended versions, of course. Tomorrow perhaps I will finish reading White Tiger.

Had my foot surgery today. Can't run for awhile :o( Have to keep it above my hip. So I'm thinkin' movie marathons and vicodin.

Well, another one over and done. Time to move on. :o)

I just received my first ticket. BS.

Just saw a robin! Spring has sprung! It wams this songbird's heart, which is good 'cuz I've been a little cranky lately. I'm not gonna lie.

He took my hand in his,
And when he did,
He could just as easily have
Taken my heart

But the quiet in my eyes
He misunderstood
Cause I never found the words to say
Words he'd stay by

So now I spend these nights
Wishing I could share the dark
Until the morning
With this man only present
In my mind, so present in my mind

Last I saw him, so close
He was so near to me
Could he feel that all I knew
He was next to me

And the shows played on
All around down time
Except this heart was racing
He was so close to me

So now I spend these nights
Wishing I could share the dark
Until the morning
With this man only present
In my mind, so present in my mind

Cause he didn't see
All that he did for me
And he misinterpreted my silence
For disinterest

But He took my hand in his,
And when he did,
He could just as easily have
Taken my heart

Just as easily taken my heart.

March 2010

Gravity
Sara Bareilles

Something always leads me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here
'Til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love
And not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be
I don’t wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
Just the way I’m supposed to be
But you’re on to me and all over me

You loved me ‘cause I’m fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don’t wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
Just the way I’m supposed to be
But you’re on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you’re everything I think I need
Here on the ground

But you’re neither friend nor foe
Though I can’t seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know
Is that you’re keeping me down
You’re keeping me down

You’re on to me, on to me and all over me
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

I would like to write more tonight, but I'm not sure where to begin. A lot has been going on and there's so much to talk about that I can't talk about. That sucks, right? Someday, I hope, I can put it all out there, so that I can share some of the joys and sorrows that have made me find myself over the last few years, that have shown me what it really is all about.

Oh, my.

I heard from an old friend last week. It seems like it's old friends week. Although, some old friends, are really new friends, they just seem like old.

Anyway, I hadn't talked to him in awhile. It's so wonderful, this new technology. You can stay connected with people.

Hey. So it's been awhile since I wrote anything of significance. A blurb here, a quick comment there. It's not that I haven't had anything to say, it's more about the fact I haven't had a lot of down town to do so. And I certainly can't catch you up in one little post, so let me begin with yesterday.

What a day! It was Friday, which is grand anyway. It's the last day of the work week except I had taken the day off as I had a pre-op appointment scheduled with my doctor. So I got up and went off to the gym, to get in the elliptical machine, or the bike. Either one will do for now, but I miss my out and out run. I've been running, but with the foot issue, it's not the most comfortable of things I can do, so I've been trying to be good and stick with less pounding cardio.

Anyway, I go see him for the last visit before the surgery and he was much more relaxed than he was the prior appointment. Last time he had a resident he was mentoring. I don't think he likes doing that all that well.

Anyway, he is going to go in and get rid of the extra boney growth which is causing my discomfort. If all goes well, that's all he will do. There is a remote possibility he would do a joing replacement, but right now, he doesn't think so. Anyway, so the appointment is fine. He is good with the sinus doc, doing his thing too, while I'm under and so I left there, feeling somewhat comfident, but a little disheartened.

I mean I have been doing all of this exercise to ensure I don't have joint replacements in my arthritic future. And here I am, not 50 yet, and he's saying it's a possibility. I mean, I'm glad it's my toe and not a hip or a knee, but I just hoped it was not foreshadowing my future. Time will only tell.

Afterward, I went home and have been trying to decide, since January mind you, if indulging myself on refilling my favorite perfume was a bit to self-indulgent for someone in my financial state. But we were going out that night, and I wanted to feel like me with my wonderful scent of Happy Heart. I love that stuff!

Anyway, after updating Mom on the phone for a bit, I decided, I would spend the money and just use it for going out nights. As I was explaining to the girl at the cosmetic counter that buying that perfume for myself is more indulgent than I usually allow myself, I went back to the car.

I had a message waiting. It was from the girl at my gym. I had entered the Commit to Be Fit program. If you went to the gym at least 3 times a week you would be entered into a weekly and grand prize drawing. I had already one a weekly drawing for a Target $25 gift card. (and H had one a $15). Anyway! It seems I won the grand prize! A $1500 spa weekend getaway at a local resort.

Oh, my gosh! I was so...so....SO...SO excited. I never won anything like this before! I am still excited. Talk about an indulgent weekend, right? Although, I worked for that baby. They would post every's workouts on the board each week, I usually had 6 or 7 visits a week, one week only 5. But wow! Did that pay off or what?

So I went home and started getting ready for the night out. H and I were going out to see a show with my good friend, B. Seems like I never see him anymore and I've missed him. We were going out to Dekalb to see another good friend, K in a show. So I put on my sweater, leggings, boot and hat, reminiscent of the '60s, (and of course, put a little perfume on. Yeah! And off we went.

The show was fine. It was good to see K. He was Harold Hill. He was very good. And then we drove back. We stopped by a little bar I had only been at once and oh, my. That's a whole other story for another day. Anyway, all was good.

B drove us back to our car, which was parked at Target. We had met there to save him some driving time. Anyway, my car had been sitting there awhile and was very frosted over. So I turned it on and decided to let it warm up. I was feeling lazy and didn't want to scrape.

H noticed another car was driving around and I was like, okay, whatever. H said, is that a cop? And I said, I don't know whatever. Well, I decided I better just get out and scrape. So I open the car door and one of this big bright lights is shining on me. I was blinded. I couldn't see a darn thing. So I'm standing there with my hat on, my go-go type boots and my scraper and I hear someone yell, "GET BACK IN THE CAR, MA'AM!"

In my little voice, I said, "Oh, okay." and I got back in the car. When the cop approached she asked what we were doing and I explained and then I said, is that okay? Anyway, she let us go and all was well, but boy H and I laughed pretty hard on the way home.

So that was yesterday. Crazy, but terribly fun!

This weekend (so far). Won a weekend get away spa. Saw 2 of my favorite friends, who I miss terribly+was told by a cop to get back in the car. Wh

I love my gym!

"Thinking is the hardest work we do, which is why so few people ever do it." Henry Ford

I bought a new hat today from the clarence (as H used to say) rack. Nothing makes me feel quite as dapper as the first time I put on a new hat!

Is the phrase "He's a stuck in the mud." or "He's a stick in the mud."???

It's one of those weekends when I have so much to do, that by Sunday night I'll be exhuasted. Of course my "To Do" list will be seemingly unalter

Rubber baby buggy bumpers!

Weasels and lemmings, a terrible combination of species.

Modifying my exercise regime now in prep for my time one-footed. I've adapted strength and pilates, but cardio? What to do? Hop?

"Come to Canada, ride a moose." Stephen Colbert and Bob Costas.

After show is over, Doc wants to cut up my foot to fix what hurts. I won't be able to run for 6-8 weeks. Makes me feel bummed. Bad timing!

I am confronted by unyielding obstacles, as we all are. But I move forward. Knowing truth, as it is, and integrity, are my strengths and assets;

Truth: I have spent too much time walking the fence. Afraid to hurt again. Afraid to offend. I know I miss you. It seems that's all I know.

Last year at this time, i wondered why folks were spending so much time in the bathroom.

Poop.

Colby is back! Yeah! My favorite survivor ever! (except for Mom, of course!)

I know! I bet I could do cross country skiing!

I know. That's terribly sad about the luger. He was so young.

And that's with 20 mins of pilates; 20 mins of strength training; 1 to 2 hours of cardio; 1000 to 1200 cals. Where would i be without? Gotta hang

And if the Pod man says you have to stay off it for awhile, he best offer up alternative cardio. I'm fighting with every pound to keep it off.

This foot thing is getting old! When my hips act up, i can't move so it doesn't wake me. But my legs are moving so my feet get moved. OW!

Ok. I've got to say, other than the whale thing, as opening ceremonies go, this one isn't the most exciting.

Yeah! I like the sound of power lifting and I think I could do it! With a little training of course!

It's always been a life long dream of mine to be an Olympic athlete. I've just never been able to decide which event suits me best.

Maybe it's how I held my head
Maybe it was something wrong I said
Maybe in time I'll find a way
To let it go, not think of you this way

CHORUS
But baby I need you, oh, how I miss you
And time is failing me
Cause baby I want you, just want to kiss you
This time's not healing me

Maybe you're right, that we were wrong
Maybe you're right, need to be strong
Maybe in time I'll justify
Letting it go and saying goodbye

CHORUS

Maybe a trace for just awhile
Look at your face, see your eyes smile
Maybe a moment, just in time
Where I could feel your heart by mine

CHORUS

February 2010 Complete with music

Doggies forced to wear boots outside. Do you wonder if they say to themselves, "I hope I don't run into any dogs I know while looking like this!"

I get kind of tired when those around me comment on what I eat or don't eat. I don't tell them what to eat. That's between themselves and thier b

Ok. This time went much better. It wasn't creepy and it felt great.

Getting my second massage ever. Hope it goes better than last time. At least this time I ermembered to work out beforehand.

Wednesday~hump day. Monday~yuck. Friday~yeah! Saturday&Sunday speak for themselves. What's up with Tuesday & Thursday~middle child syndrome

Harm says that I will grow so old people will say to me, "Susan, didn't you know George Washington?" Hope she's right!

Watching My Heart
as sung by Vance Gilbert


I can't be your guardian angel
I can barely watch over myself
You're wasting your dreams
and your wishes on me
When they should be for somebody else
They should be for someone
Who'd do more than listen

I'm holding your hand
But I'm out at arm's length
I'm keeping my distance
I'm hearing you tell me your story
You're telling your story
I'm watching my heart.

There's a street light
That shines in your window
As you sleep unaware through the night
I could sit here and watch you
For hours and hours
You're holding your pillow
You're facing the light
A fine to whisper I love you
When you can't hear me

I'm holding your hand
But I'm out at arm's length
I'm keeping my distance
I'm hearing you tell me your story
You're telling your story
I'm watching my heart.

Every lullaby that I've ever heard
Has been somebody lying
Trying to get me to sleep
And now I'm older and restless
Ain't nobody singing and
There's no guaranty I'd listen if they did

I'm kissing your face in the morning
I'm handing your towel to you through the door
I'm doing the breakfast dishes.
I'm wearing your robe.
It don't fit.
We're laughing.
I'm driving this daydream halfway to Jersey.

I'm holding your hand
But I'm out at arm's length
I'm keeping my distance
I'm hearing you tell me your story
You're telling your story
I'm watching my heart.

Eve see a man laid out
With his heart open and bleeding
For all to see

Ever see a man get up
From that hate so removed
You'd think he'd find

A second perspective
A new leash
An appreciation
For the world around

Funny how it doesn't seem to be
Doesn't work that way
How it dumbfounds

Ever see a child loving
Little left for her
In this cold world

They all up and leave
Love comes along slow
She never gives up

A second perspective
A new leash
An appreciation
For the world around

Funny how it doesn't seem to be
Doesn't work that way
How it dumbfounds

Usually so much to say
But lately doesn't seem so
Words seem weak
And do little to change
This blanket laying over me
This place so cold and strange
Lost in words
Swirled in knowledge
Never good enough
They never settle me down
Or find me at peace
In knowing
We're better left apart

In the wee small hours of the morning when the whole wide world is fast asleep...

Someone sent me instructions for a love spell. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha, ha!!!

Apparently everyone's New Year's resolution was to join my gym. Not one treadmill or elliptical to be had. Hope they aren't sore tomorrow. :-P

Family videos. Nice to see the girls as babies again, but hard to see my stupidity. I knew little + always had a damn smoke. Foolish.

I'm watching videos of my first little baby. She was always so smart, and beautiful and always loved to sing. Precious.

So I've seen a couple of movies lately. Avatar.....GARBAGE!!!! That Cameron steals pictures and scenes from all of the people who know what they're doing. He has always been and will always be a wannabe to me. When he actually creates something of his own, maybe I will pay attention. Scenes in this one were reminiscent of Jurassic Park, 911, and Pocahontas. I cannot recommend this one. Well, I should say....visually, it was interesting, for about 15 minutes but then it got very destructive. Blah, blah, blah!

Okay, I saw, Sherlock Holmes today. I like Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law and it was okay. I got kind of tired during it, but maybe because it's New Year's Day and I was up late last night. Not sure. Would I see a sequel of it? Definitely.

I also saw It's Complicated. Oh, my gosh!!!! It was wonderful. Meryl will always be my favorite. The nuances, the looks, the innocence. She keeps it all so simple in the most complicated of characters.....what I would not give to be 10 percent as good as Meryl.

Anyway, Steve Martin was pulled back and believable. Absolutely wonderful. And Alec Baldwin, oh, my....so sexy. That man is fast becoming a favorite. He is a skilled swordsman with comedy. He does not take himself too seriously, and at the same time can play a love scene like he means it. So wonderful, a real man, full of thoughts and feelings and desires and fallibilities. I loved him in it and...

I loved this movie. And it was nice to see a movie about relationships and romance for people above the age of 40. It was nice to be reminded that people like to kiss, no matter how old they are, and that they need to kiss, no matter how old they are, and it isn't gross or bad, and can also be touching. I loved this movie.

So I listed my three resolutions on my Facebook status and one of the comments I received was, "Can you still count to 3?"

I have no idea what that means. Seriously, people say I'm cryptic, I don't know. Maybe I am, but the comment above, I just don't get it. I've read it and my resolutions multiple times. Can someone tell me what I am missing here?

Happy New Year! I resolve to: be true to my inner spirit + remain centered. 2: Run a marathon. 3: Accept things I cannot change.