"And if you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine. And we will clean the cobwebs out of one another's minds." - Missy Higgins

Maybe it's silly, but I have to admit that it scares me when the driver behind me decides to take naps at each stop light.

Bonus!

What words could I weave to make it clear
Words never used and not written here.
Back and forth in a measure of inequities
Would leave aching for my imperfections
That none would disregard my meaning

You are always on a higher plane
Few see it, and barely sense you are there
In dreams I find myself talking with you
You hear all that I say, as silence looms
The silence that has brought me to you

Chorus

Back on the planet my friends simply say,
What do you see there, a dying day
But you've been the only whose always been true
You've always been honest, painfully too
But that's what I need, and so I love you

If love conquers all, what's taking so long
Been looking for answers in each silly song
You've showed me my spirit
You've never lied, though truths can be wrong
I showed you my heart, it's what made me strong

Chorus
As always as always,
Today it's for you.
Leave knowing it's true
For here in this heart
As always as always,
Time simply stood still
Lost here in your eyes
For ever with you.

February 2009

I wanted to address some other more eventful happenings this week. But I guess I best wait to to do that until the moment is right, but I will, soon. So instead, let me me focus on what I was doing a week ago.

Last week, around this time, I was sitting with two very close companions. We were winding down after a fun little gathering for a show we all participated in. Oh, gosh, oh, golly, crazy. We sat and talked about crazy, silly stuff until about 4 am. I don't even know what we talked about, really. I do a lot of listening when it's the three of us. That's okay. I don't mind. I do that anyway in big groups.

Anyway, to those two friends of mine, I sometimes wonder what's up with the three of us. Why we mesh the way we do. But it's all right...maybe, none of that matters anyway. It's good we are who we are. It's good we had each other when we did.

To my latest friend in that three some, I don't know why you entered my life when you did. I don't know how long you will stay or if you will leave. I hope not. For you are one of those people, who I've met and for some odd reason, I feel like I have known you forever. It's funny when that happens, isn 't it? And at the same time, there is much left to learn about one another. Anyway, thank you for your kindness to me, and mine. Anyone who is caring and generous to my children, are in turn, kind and generous to me.

I hope, at some point, I can repay your kindness in full.

Last Friday, I unexpectedly had to take a day off of work to recover an item which had slipped away from reach. What a fiasco it turned out to be. It took so much time and effort. I felt like I was in a really bad B movie. Drove up to Wisconsin, felt like I was in a dog pound.....drove back to Illinois. Not everything we needed was in Wisconsin, so then had to drive to Aurora. Which normally, I would say, ah, so what. Okay. Well, this part of Aurora.......SCAREY! Okay. That's all I can say. I felt like I was dealing with a loan shark. Crazy! Anyway, got back what had been, um, what's the word, slipped from reach and all is well that way for now. Geez.

A moment to appreciate our commentators:

To DoYouHaveAClue

Well, in reponse to your name, all I can say is, "Not usually!" But I am so glad you have joined us here. I love your commentary. Realize of course, I blog at three in the morning, because...well, what the hell else is there to do at 3 in the morning, right?"

And you're right Hold 'Em and rum, gotta love them both and I do. And I love you, too. Thanks. You are one of my favorites and always will be!


To the lovely lady who knew what Pluto's only words were:

Very good! Hooray. Also, thank you for your comments on my blog about Homony Grits. I have one coming soon for Hilary Doc. It is just not ready yet. Soon though.

Thanks to all you looneys, who read what I'm writing. Originally, this was to be a forum for my lyrics only, as I have about 300 tunes some with music, some without. And a lot of this blog is my lyrics, but it's nice to be ABLE to vent and talk for no reason other than I'm human. :o) And it's nice you listen....read....well you know what I mean....I mean, thank you.

Ah, so bad tonight! 11 out of 16! I've lost my touch! Boo Hoo!

"Snow White is doin' dishes again, 'cause what else can you do with 7 itty-bitty men?" Sara Bareilles

Me: As long as we get out of this without getting shot, I'll be happy. H: Oh, Mom, you have such low expectations.

I am frustrated today. Tired of spinning wheels, and not even sure it is appreciated. I feel like a rug. That is the worst feeling to me.

So I need an attitude adjustment. I'm working on it.

"That's life! That's what people say."

Pressures: Work. Mortgage payments. 1 car. Learning to be alone. Staying healthy. Other bills. New life style. Eating.
Solutions: "Aw, quit you're cryin" :o)

I keep the treadmill at a steep incline, but it just broke + dropped mid-stride. Wow. Last week, a handle flew off. It's possessed!

Godspell folks thought I had big guns. Took me awhile to realize they meant muscular biceps. Wrong. They should've known Dad back when.

Sometimes it feels like time stops. Yet it seems stopped in the same place for a few years. That makes no damn sense + yet, is accurate.

So right or wrong, life goes on. Some take us. Some leave us. Some touch us so inexplicably. Yet, we just keep moving on.

I just had a drag on a ciggie butt after 8 years.

A bit of Valentine-ish trivia: What were the only words ever spoken by Mickey Mouse's dog, Pluto?

See that black and white,
Lying there
Seems like an answer
Maybe a prayer
Look in too deep, you're bound to find
Innocent youth and innocence blind

There you were
So sweet and gentle
And when I saw,
I thought I saw me
It could have been me
One way or another
But I missed that entrance
I was not to be seen
Funny these different dreams


I just want to live
To feel what they feel
I just want to be
I want to be free
To hold you inside
And learn all of your shadings
To take you inside
and hear of your dreams

Seeing that black and white
Just lying there
Seems like a prayer
Maybe an answer
Look into me, deep, you're found
Innocence blind and innocent bound

February 2009

She came into my life like a whirlwind, in an atypical fashion in many respects. But I am atypical. I know it. I lke it that way. I don't like "systemic public generalities" although I can adapt to them and fit into them seamingly. So bucking the system, intentionally or unintentionally will always be something I relish.

I wasn't sure what to make of her. That's honest. Terribly honest. But she seemed to need me, although I wasn't sure how or why. The first few months of our association, I did my best to satisfy needs which were not always clear to me. But we got through it and she accepted my ignorance and errors. I struggled with my lack of knowledge. I didn't know myself well enough then to realize, I don't like to fail, and often, lack of knowledge leads to failing....miserably. But I was determined in this cause, I would learn...as I usually do....the hardest of ways.

She accepted me, my ineptness, my knaivete unconditionally. She had a choice. Even then, I believe people have a choice. And we persevered together. Nights were the hardest. She would not sleep. And that was mostly what I needed. But that was secondary. She wanted my comfort, my voice, my warmth....and we would rock....for hours.....and I would sing to her and she would then sleep. But I could not let go of her, for if I stopped the rocking, the singing, she would wake and look at me, with eyes a clear blue and in that look, and in those eyes, I would see her say, "You don't expect me to sleep here, without song, without knowing you are there." And I would rock and sing some more. And she would sleep.

Funny, the singing. We still sing, but she is far past where I ever hoped to be. I like to think sometimes that maybe all of that rocking and singing helped that little mind, helped it find some of her skills. I don't take credit, certainly. She sings as she does, because she wants to. No rocking needed. Her choice.

Right or wrong, she helped define who I was and where I was going, and she didn't even know it. Right or wrong, she is one of the persons in my life I couldn't imagine living without.
Right or wrong, she is one of my closest friends and I will always love her.

I remember one doctor coming into the hospital room, and as she left she said, "Babies having babies." I will never forget that comment. Nor will I ever forgive it.

I was a baby in many respects. I admit I didn't know what I was doing, but I learned. I'm a fast learner. And I gave what I had to give to this little person I was learning about and would continue to learn about until this day. This little person was a gift of unbelievable proprotions and benefits. I have learned more from her and her sister than from anything else in this life.

I only hope she has and will forgive me for the parts of me that make me human, namely my weaknesses. For undoubtedly they have touched her in ways I may not fully realize. But what I do know is this: she is an extraordinary human being. I have loved watching her grow and still love to watch her grow and always will.

I can't rock her now, or hold her now, but we will always sing and in that singing, I shall always find that perfect sound...the sound of Harmony.

I tried a Rolo the other day for the first time. I am now addicted to them. Hmmm, I better increase my daily run so I can eat more of them!

I'm not sure why I subject myself to this sort of thing. It makes me so nervous. Still, I sang my best, so we'll see.

Hana Bay

Water moves the black sand
Between my toes, up the beach
No pattern, leaving small crystals
laying on my skin, glisten in the sun
So bright, I squint, if only you were here

Standing in the Bay at Hana
Looking out at all the blue
Waiting hours as I watch the tide
Start at my toes and soon cover my knees
Would you stand here with me?

CHORUS
Today and tomorrow
Cross over my dreams
You say don't avoid
Soon you will share
Your deep dark secrets
But you aren't here
Hold gently and determined
As I wait for you

Pacific moves the black sand
I feel you so fully, places of my heart
How I want you to stay, within
I yearn so silently, screams of faith
I have no rights to need you

Standing in the Bay of Hana
Taking in all of the blue
A different shade then this heart's hue
As I want to be, it's never been
so strong, this want I have for you

CHORUS

Like the sand that flows
Away from me, you seem so far
away from me from me
You fill my heart so, but on this beach
You seem so so out of reach

Standing in the Bay at Hana
If you knew how true to you
Would you wash away or stay
As you always say time will fly
if I let it pass me by

CHORUS

May 2007

If you can, look at the moon just now. It is crystal clear and mystical.

Not so well on first game, came in fifth. But on second game, came in first! So happy and proud of myself!

Friday night, a nice drink, or two, good friends, good music, and some laughs. . . . So why text. . .hmmm. . .they started it. . .:-)

Frozen Tears


Like this morning’s first breath
The vision of you fills me
As is every morning since
I found you gently in my heart

Crazy then, this love loss
Tell myself time to let go
The memories of kissing you
In the cold night air, warmed me so

CHORUS
Those strong hands which held me
Just one magic touch, lost the fear
Baby, dreams of us in the cold
Have kept me warm all these years
Looking in midnight eyes,
Touching those sweet lips
Kissing away my frozen tears

Time plays tricks with old hearts
You brought me back and I’ve stayed
Never needed, not like this, Love
So each morning, I breath in you

If the dream I still carry
Becomes a fool’s paradise
What more can I do, loving you
It will be cold without your eyes

CHORUS

All I know I have become
From the moment I saw you
Until that day, the day I’m done
Nothing before, only since

No matter where you may go
No matter where I may be
From the day I first saw you, Sweet
You are all I really see

CHORUS

February 2009

No singing tonight. So sad. Oh, well. I guess I will find out it's like to go into work on a Friday, feeling refreshed and awake! Yay!

"I see you're upset + your feelings matter to me. We should talk about this. How about a week from Monday?" Oh, too funny. I must chortle.

I'm ready for the day. I've a smile on my face; I'm humming a happy tune; and I'm carrying a big ass sledge hammer.

Don't get indignant with me
I didn't start this ride and you know that's true
You looked at me, I didn't look at you
You tapped my shoulder

Now that we're close, you start to run
Didn't want the heat, only needed fun
Should have taken time to learn who I was
Walked into this life, all full of fuzz

So let's be clear, did you think I fell for you
I'll admit with time, maybe that'd be true.
But there's another who was here 'fore you
He filled this heart, there's little room for you
You say it's all too intense for you
But you found I started meaning so more to you
And your answer then, is to run from me
Back it up and start again.

You know my life is topsy turvy now
And soon, I hope, it all will settle down.
You have your life and I respect that so
If you must leave than you can go

They say you get what you give my friend
Somehow that slit my throat in the end
I never break, I always seem to bend
And this heart never learned the art of when to run

Chorus

February 2009

They say when 1 door closes, another 1 opens, meaning: there must be a ton of doors with my name on them. If I could only find one. . .

I think I just saw a shooting star! That has to be a good sign, right?!

Do you ever have one of those moments when you look across the room....and you see something you can't believe....in a way you are facing your worse fear....it's dreamlike....

There is a part of you that needs to go and clarify.....to take that moment in time and make sure you are not seeing what you think you are seeing...or hoping you are not seeing what you think you are seeing. But you can't do that either, because it would cause attention....

I think tonight, although, I am not sure....that I may have seen my worst fear....and as much as I tell myself I am crazy...I am so sad if what I saw was what I think it was. I am so lost right now. And it's unexplainable....and hopefully, it was just dream like and nothing of substance.

Maybe just my imagination running away. Too much rum....to dull it all...Time for bed.

Like Scarlett....tomorrow is another day.

There's something there
I can't quite put my finger on
But he reminds me of you
Sometimes

I close the door
On this friendship newly found
Something in me aches for you
Need you

But the smile is not the same
Or the voice as you say my name
And the feeling I get inside
When my heart is rising like the tide
And one of these times
Won't seem like a crime
It will feel better this way,
Or so you say

In his stories
Or how he boldly goes
There's something in his nature
Maybe

I try to ignore
Cause maybe it's just me wishing
Wishing to see you again
Just once

But the smile is not the same
Or the voice as you say my name
And the feeling I get inside
When my heart is rising like the tide
And one of these times
Won't seem like a crime
It will feel better this way,
Or so you say

September 2008

All this time,
All these tears
Closer now than ever

If she knew that once or twice
You thought sweetly of your face
If she knew with time and patience
You'd be there

All this time
And all these tears
As she faced her deepest fears

When she sees you so clearly
And she holds your heart so dearly
Can you tell her maybe once to just hold on
A little time

Cause she loves you, and always had
Consequences good or bad
You became the beat that keep her heart strong
Right or wrong

All this time
So little price
To pay for her to find her way

Do you think she should let go
Is there something she should know
Do you ever take the time to reassure
Her love is pure

All this time
All the tears
She's held for years

All this time
All this time
She needs to know

If she knew that once or twice
You dreamed of her and all she is
If she knew that there were times
You loved her so

All this time
All this time
She'd give again.

February 2009