I love a.m's when folks try to have intelligent conversations with me without realizing the hamster in my head isn't spinning his wheel yet.

Looks like a half moon tonight. It's so clear, so calm, so quiet. Simple.

Li'l Hil. Infant. Popeye face when you looked at her and tried to get her to smile. She would wink one eye and scrunch up her face, totally disgusted with your feeble attempts. She would smile when she was good and ready. Crawling: Picked up every speck of anything she could on the floor. Would look at it, look at me, smile and put in her mouth knowing full well I would say no. She would smile more and in it went. Until I fished it out. Standing: Jump in the crib, up, down, up, down. Until I walked in and she will fall flat down as her sister sat in the next bed laughing. The moment I left the room, the same up down up down, until I came into the room and flat. Kindergarten conference: Teacher said she was so well behaved, never spoke out of turn, never broke the rules. Was a little lady. Hmmmmm. First grade: Teach is going to read them Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factor over a course of weeks. EAch child will have a chocolate bar to eat as she reads. Anyone with any chocolate left will win a prize. Hil won. Hands down. No one else had any left after the first few days. She was determined. Pointe shoes. Pointe shoes. Pointe shoes. She was determined. She did it. High School, a leader, a singer, a dancer, a good student. Graduates college. One of my goals to get them both through college. They both did it. Japan. Chicago.

She is a girl on the move. Looking for places to be and things to do. Always going. And I still see that baby, that little one, with her Popeye face. Her way, when she is good and ready.

Took 10% of my winnings from last week and bought a few more instant tickets, and won $60. Not too shabby.

So close if I turned one moment sooner
If the man at the bank had gotten my name right the first time
Stopping for those crazy geese to cross
Maybe then I'd be the one standing there

Instead I'm laying in my bed
Daydreaming about you
Is that the difference
Slight variations
Of time
In time
Bring us
Where we are
Remembering the first time
Or the last time

The elevator door opened wrong floor
If the bus I missed had been two minutes sooner, that's it babe
Taking two extra sips of my green tea
So that I'd be the one near those eyes

Instead I'm laying in my bed
Daydreaming about you
Is that the difference
Slight variations
Of time
In time
Bring us
Where we are
Remembering the first time
Or the last time

Or if I had just said the words slow
Just two more minutes was needed to tell you, sweet, what you do
you know I tried, but my heart was so loud
In my mouth and my soul being so close

Instead I'm laying in my bed
Daydreaming about you
Is that the difference
Slight variations
Of time
In time
Bring us
Where we are
Remembering the first time
Or the last time

Now, seems the blanket is soft on my bare feet
But my heart is exposed, denied by seconds, time away
Turn over and pretend; time to start the day
Time for more missed opportunities

May 2009

"Nothing unreal exists." Spock

"Humans make illogical decisions." Spock

A first in my family: my brother became a Grandpa today. Seems odd when you consider my sister is 7 months pregnant with her 2nd baby.

Thinking about how I should get my buns out of bed and start my to do's. But it's so nice here under the soft sheets...5 more minutes.

Technology

Enjoyed the latest Star Trek movie; it was great fun. Just finished the first Star Trek movie. Warp speed has come a long way, baby!

On a warm summer night, I love to turn off all the lights and watch Jurassic Park; even better when there's thunder and lightening outside.

Tonight

H and I saw Jersey Boys tonight. It was good. I guess I never realized how many great songs those guys did. Fun!

Wonder

Why is it so many security guards are the tiniest little men ever?

What do you know?!

I just won $100 on an instant lottery ticket! Those lunchtime walks are even better than I first thought!

I love taking lunchtime walks. It's so invigorating, especially on gorgeous days like today!

"The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience." Emily Dickinson

Weather

As much as I love spring, I think the next few weeks are going to be predominantly cloudy.

Life

It is short and I think all of us deserve to be happy. Life is also full of choices, as hard as that is.

Officially 33:52. Not my best but I'm happy with it and I placed well among women my age. Hooray!

Officially 33:52. Not my best but I'm happy with it and I placed well among women my age. Hooray!

Officially 33:52. Not my best but I'm happy with it and I placed well among women my age. Hooray!

No official time yet, but not too bad.

" I tried to unhook it at mile one but I couldn't get it out of my pants."

Have a 5k in the a.m. Carrying a few more pounds than last year and my average daily mileage is lower, so who knows. Fingers are crossed!

Seeing Wolverine tonight with H. Hope she can contain herself!

It's friggin' Friday! Hooray!

I've learned, be it: games, cars, dogs, battles, stuffed animals, arguments, battles, memories, emotions, writings, discussions, books, loved ones, music, hands or hearts, I've never been comfortable with letting go. Some consider that a bad quality, but doesn't that just make me human? Some can walk away so easily. I cannot. Maybe they are right and I am just a big cry baby.

When there is loss and my tummy is twisted and torn and my heart hurts, I know I would rather know I am terrible at letting go, then knowing I had never felt any attachment and that walking away was as easy as chewing gum. For if that was me, then I would be more robotic than human I should think.

She's his problem now
No worries
Just turn and walk away
So easy to do
So easy to say

Never was yours to start
Like butterflies who dance
Through daisy covered fields
Go separate ways
Ignoring fate, testing chance

He's her problem now
No problem
Chin up and tall, you leave
So easy to say
So hard to believe

'Til you find yourself alone
Wide-eyed owl time to cry
In a tree of empty
Feeling so cold
Shivers so, no arms to hold

He's her problem now
Such worries
How long til he forgets
Simply forgets you
Nothing you can do

'Til you find yourself alone
Wide-eyed owl time to cry
In a tree of empty
Feeling so cold
Shivers so, no arms to hold

She's his problem now
Crossing paths
Pictured in your sad mind
Sunny skies blue
Find something to do

Never was yours to start
Like butterflies who dance
Through daisy covered fields
Go separate ways
Ignoring fate, testing chance

May 2009

"She looked for the perfect gift, to show that she cared. He loved it & told her he'd miss her when he dared. She should not have shared."

Someone told me tonight that texting destroys intimacy. What the hell?

Someone told me tonight that texting destroys intimacy. What the hell?

Spending more than an hour in any medical establishment is the best motivator I know to keep me focused on my fitness regime.

Politically I think we're better off when Government stays out of big business. Personally, Chrysler's closings leave a pit in my tummy.

My cookie's fortune: "The nearest way to glory is to strive to be what you wish to be thought to be." Ow, now I have a headache!

Tonight, saw an old friend, who have me a Charleston Chew. Also, I found a fly in my salad, so won a free meal and a gift certificate. :-)

Holding a Mother's Day gift from my 4 yr

Me: Did you make this, Jack? J: I did make that with the help of my friend, Mommy.

"Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor." Benjamin Franklin

People I miss and need to see. Times I may have been less than kind. Who thought filling heads with fairy takes was a good idea?

When I wake up at 3 in the morning, what goes through my head? H's safety while living in city.

At one of my hot spots. The moon is beautiful tonight. And a lovely couple thought my li'l buddy and I were sisters. A good night. :-)

I love working on Saturday mornings. It makes me feel so alive!

So at some point it all makes sense, right? And all of the mud you've walked through has meaning and is washed away by a spring rain?

Sorry I am a loser.

As much as this evening has been all over the board, I am sure my decisions have been valid, as I am all the more comfortable with who I am.

I'm working on 17 hours of sleep since Thursday am. Eventually, my body will take care of itself and let me sleep, right?

Came in third tonight. Even bluffed a few times successfully!

Seemed silly to lay there so. . . just finished my run. I am way ahead of schedule now! Just hope I can stay awake through poker tonight.

If a man is sure enough with both of us to share the worst of his truths, then that is the man with whom I'd share mine.

Truths, no matter how heinous, are direct, concise and complete. Lies create shadows, confusion, and are eternal.

Been laying here awake for awhile, listening to the ping ping of the vent, as my thoughts flip flop. Doesn't seem very productive, does it?

Studly 20-ish guy in suped up red Silverado is naive enough to think he can beat me in my lil' gold Taurus. Ha!..Um... not that I raced...B-)

Yeah! Weekend! Well, in a way. . .have to work a few hours tomorrow, but who's counting? I like weekends.:-)

This is one of top favorite songs of all time. Actually, might be my favorite, except perhaps Handel's Messiah, which I guess isn't a song....well, a really LONG song, maybe. And then there's Battle Hymn of the Republic...another favorite, Amazing Grace and then a new addition to my favorites, Gravity by Sarah Bareilles....Anyway, I digress....the point is

I think it may be my top song. The sad thing is, I'm not sure who wrote it and I can't look just now. Streisand did it on her Butterfly album. It's a beautiful song, simple, concise, and I've always identified with it (if you don't know me, I'm really just a woosy). And in case you haven't put it together, the inspiration for the part of the name of my blog. The SongBird part is of course, singer, song writer, SongBird, SB SusanBarry....anyway, here it is.


SIMPLE MAN

I am a simple girl
And I sing a simple song
I've never been so much in love
And never hurt so bad
At the same time

I am a simple girl
And I play a simple tune
I wish that I could see you
Once again across the room
Like the first time

I just want to hold you
I don't want to hold you down
I hear what you're saying
And you're spinning my head around
And I can't make it alone

The ending of the tale
Is the singing of the song
You make me proud to be a woman
Only you can make me strong
Like the last time

I just want to hold you
I don't want to hold you down
I hear what you're saying
And you're spinning my head around
And I can't make it alone

I don't want to make it alone.

Crazy like a fox!

Caught up with a friend tonight, like no time had passed, let alone 30 years. Funny. My friend is still practical & I'm still dreaming.