Aha, I was reading through old posts. It's a bit like visiting an old friend. It's a friend whom I would like to know better but really don't know at all. That's a bit disconcerting and amusing. I get close sometimes but I really have no idea what I'm doing or who I am.
It makes me wonder about the people who have it altogether. That must be spectacular. To be certain who you are and to know why you do all the things you do. Never knowing any other way or any self doubt.
That's never been me. I have a lot of self-doubt. I can justify everything I've done. I have a reason for it. It seems to make sense at the time, but is it valid? Will it matter when all is said and done? Will it matter when I am said and done? Maybe my friend, Ms. Kathy was right. Maybe we come into this world alone and we go out of it alone. It's something she's made peace with long ago. Me? I'm still hoping- wondering, really...how I will feel when it's done, when I know, that I never figured out how to love well, that I always seem to be trying to figure it all out, but my progress is slow.
Aha, yet, I'm seem wiser. I hope to hell I am wiser, at least a little bit. I may never know what it's like to have a partner, who knows me, who supports me....but I have my girls, Jeanne, my siblings and my parents and you know, that makes me significantly rich, because I have the best people on the planet. Ted's right....I am lucky.