Hey, wow. I guess my last few blogs were perhaps a bit strong. I would apologize for that, but I won't. This is where I get that stuff out so, I guess, too bad. Here's the thing....

As far as I'm aware, until I have a piece of paper that says otherwise, I am still and he is still financially and legally tied. That means, even if you take all of the emotion out of it, (which would mean of course, we weren't human.) then if anything happens, it's up to me to take care of and to pick up the pieces. It's not up to anyone else. Not his children, not his friends. Okay. That's one small part of this.

Okay, number two. I have literally been bedside for hospital visits for this person, literally hundreds and hundreds of times. Usually, his mental state is one of disagreeable comments and behaviors, pulling out IV's, walking out of hospitals, giving me the 3rd degree, complaining about what they are doing, and wanting to go home, but not doing anything to help himself get better. That is normal. That is the norm. Get that, and beileve that. Because honestly, the show that you are being offered is completely and ultimately one of the most fascinating things I have ever witnessed. And I hope it is sincere.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad he has decided to be Mr. Happy Pants, but I hope you'll forgive me if I have trouble believing it's genuine. When you leave, the other guy comes back. Just know that. And that's not because you're wonderful. That's because that's who he wants you to see. And in my heart of hearts, I wish Mr. Happy Pants would stay permanently.

One more thing, when I walk in there, you realize of course, that regardless of what you may believe, I do care about this person. I don't know what you've heard, or what you think you know. Okay. But I do know him and have for a long long time. So don't give me any sort of look, and if one more person asks me what I am there. I am going to want to say this.....

Well, let's see. I guess because I was the one who would wait when he would disappear for days at a time and I never knew where he was or if he was all right. I am here because I am the one who waited when he stayed in Texas for a couple of months in one of the worst winters we've had. I am here because I am the one who has put up with all the bull shit and childish antics everytime he is sick. I am the one who has stayed bedside with very few, if any, thank you's for my help and companionship. I am here because I am the one who would went back and forth to Oak Lawn for a month, everyday, after work, because he had heart surgery. I am here because I said I would be.

So don't look at me as if I have no right. Because point in fact, other than his children, I am the only one with the rights at this time. Once I have that piece of paper, you do whatever you want. Have at it. Enjoy the roller coaster. But for now, I am the one who has to ride that train.

One more piece of advice, don't you believe everything you hear. You don't know very much about me at all. And until you take a vested interest in me, don't you dare judge me or who I am. Because you don't know me at all. You don't know my strength, my loyalty, my compassion or why I've done anything that I've done.