There are times lately, when I find myself feeling like I did when I was in high school; totally unsure of myself, shy, wondering if I fit in. What is that all about? I'm way to old for that sort of nonsense. At my age, a person should be fairly comfortable in their own skin. Yet, I find myself looking in the mirror and I don't really know who is looking back at me.

I'm not sure if this is a positive turn of events or if somehow I am going backward. But I keep getting up every morning, trying to stay positive. I feel like I'm walking on an automatic belt. My feet are moving, but everything is going by faster than my feet are going. I can't seem to grab a hold of the railing or yell, stop. I want to stop, for a minute. I need to breathe.

It's as if I don't sleep, from morning to night, my thoughts are spinning in my mind and when I do sleep, if I don't dream, it feels as if the sleep was so fast, it never really happened.

I think, as I go over things, it's all a matter of trust: trust in others, sometimes, but mostly, I think it's trust in myself. I seem to have lost that core, knowing who I was, or what I was about. I feel like I am in the middle of a journey. I'm not sure when it really started, it was a number of small events, which lead to some major ones. And now, this road lends no clue as to its final destination. The past is behind me, the future is out of site. The here and now, is bits and pieces of happenings, which don't all add up. It's a little confusing.

I don't like feeling unsettled. It's much easier to be comfortable. It's warmer there, too. But maybe that's the whole point. Maybe it was time to figure out who I really am....what I'm made of... it scares me. Maybe this road will lead me to nowhere. But in my heart, I've tried to accept the fact that this journey started long ago and I have no idea when it will end. It is going to be uncomfortable for awhile, regardless of the fact, that I would like to stop and find a warm place to lay down for awhile.